Turn the Paige Podcast
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Turn the Paige Podcast
48: Keep Doing the Hard Parenting (ft. Angela Taylor)
Join Tajuana as she sit down with Angela Taylor.
What happens when a kindergarten teacher becomes a mother herself? The lines between professional expertise and personal reality blur in fascinating ways. In this candid conversation with Angie Taylor, a 13-year veteran kindergarten teacher and mother to a kindergartener, we explore the striking disconnect between social media's portrayal of parenthood and what actually happens in homes and classrooms across America.
Angie doesn't hold back as she discusses how behaviors in classrooms have changed dramatically over recent years, particularly following the pandemic. With her unique dual perspective, she offers insights into why so many parents seem unprepared for the realities of raising children today. "It's a lifetime gig, boo-boo," she reminds listeners who might be clinging to pre-parenthood freedoms.
The conversation takes surprising turns as we debate the controversial balance between self-care and child-centered parenting. Is "putting yourself first" compatible with good parenting, or have we misunderstood what self-care actually means? Angie shares practical communication strategies that have worked in both her classroom and home, including using basic sign language with toddlers to reduce frustration before verbal skills develop.
Perhaps most valuably, Angie offers reassurance to parents struggling with consistency and boundary-setting. "The more consistent you are at holding the boundary, I promise you it gets easier down the road. They stop pushing back as much." In a world of gentle parenting and Montessori methods often implemented without understanding their foundations, her practical approach feels like permission to trust your instincts.
Whether you're a parent seeking validation that your struggles are normal or someone considering parenthood who wants unfiltered reality, this episode delivers truth with empathy and humor. Share your thoughts with us and don't forget to subscribe for more conversations that turn the page on parenting expectations.
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Welcome to Turn the Page. Podcast Sisters, best friends and brunch enthusiasts With relatable episodes that feel like you're chatting with two of your closest friends or sisters. Join us as we turn the page to different topics about losing yourself in motherhood, adulthood, anyhood, and finding yourself again through meaningful friendships. Shameless piles of unread library books and endless Amazon package deliveries Real, honest and a little bit chaotic. We talk about it all. So grab your favorite drink, put the kids to bed, lace up your sneaks or whatever you need to do, and join us. We can't wait to connect with you, hi guys, welcome to Turn the Page podcast.
Speaker 2:This is co-host Tawana Page. We usually have Cherie Page Barber, my sister, with us, but she's not feeling well so she sends her regards. We have a guest today. We have Angie Taylor. Hi, I have to say a funny story on Instagram. My sister and I thought her name was Taylor, like her first name, but she sent us docs today to like look over or whatever, and it says Angie and I was like, oh my God, I feel horrible, but I was like I should know, because it happens to me all the time with three first names. But welcome to the show, angie Taylor. How are you?
Speaker 3:I'm good. Thanks for having me First podcast. I'm so excited.
Speaker 2:Yay, this is exciting. And we happen to live in the same state and the same county, which is amazing. Why don't you tell everybody what you do, so?
Speaker 3:I wear a lot of hats. First job I teach kindergarten, going into my 13th year I think, and then two years of pre-K. Prior to that I have a bachelor's in elementary and special ed. I have my reading specialist degree. I have done lots and lots of things. I love kids. My best friend and I funny story we ran a vacation Bible school at our church. We started two youth programs in high school and we had adults like following our lead and we were like do we know what we're doing? And then we both became teachers and love it. I also have a child going into kindergarten this year, so I'm very much feeling all of the parent side of things and the teacher side of things. So it's been. It's been a lot this summer, but we're working through it. And then I sell Young Living on the side. I do Instagram on the side, so it's been a lot of fun. I created some guides this summer to help parents and children get ready for kindergarten. So it's I do a camp in the summer. I mean I just I overextend myself.
Speaker 2:I love it and, guys, I will share her Instagram in the show notes. But I love your Instagram, like I watch your stories all the time, but it's like so many, just like random tips and hacks that like you didn't know that you need it. But before we dive in cause, it's going to be awesome. We do a this or that when we have a guest on, so my sister texted us because that was that's her contribution when we do this or that. So the first one is would you rather step on legos with your bare feet or clean, clean up spilled milk on the carpet? Step on legos? Same, because I hate spilled milk and I I'm sure you've had it with your child back in the day when they would get sick and they would hate spilled milk. And I I'm sure you've had it with your child back in the day when they would get sick and they would throw up milk and it's disgusting and it smells horrible, it's awful and I already hate milk.
Speaker 2:To begin with, yes, so mix that with mama and that's a wrap. Um, me too with the Legos. The second question is would you rather never get tired or never get stressed? Question is would you rather never?
Speaker 3:get tired or never get stressed. Okay, never get stressed. Okay, I can live on very little sleep. If I could not be stressed, life would be great.
Speaker 2:So does stress make you tired?
Speaker 3:No, Like you personally.
Speaker 2:Okay, so it kind of like wears me down. I don't get tired and I love sleep, though. Do you like sleep?
Speaker 3:When my head hits the pillow at night, I am out and I actually just read today. That's like not a very good thing, like you think it's good, but it's actually not. Like your body is like you need to sleep. I cannot nap. Like if I'm like I need a nap today and I lay down, I cannot sleep. If you put me in a car on an airplane, I will fall asleep in two seconds. If I have no problem sleeping on vacation, like none of that, but I cannot like lay down and take a nap.
Speaker 2:That is so fascinating. My sister like we'll have to do like a second episode, like about something else, just so you can like chat with her too. But she used to be the queen of naps like all the way up until like college yeah, no like, and I'm talking like two, three hours oh, dang.
Speaker 3:No, I just have a to-do list in my mind. Like I just can't fall asleep during the day, I'm like I gotta do this and this and this yes, it's just like fascinating.
Speaker 2:I feel like I would. I don't know, because stress makes me tired but, I, also really, I really love sleep, like when I am tired.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So maybe never get stressed again because of those like weird things to me. Yeah, okay. And the last sister, that is would you rather go on a dream vacation alone or do it like on a nice vacation with your favorite people?
Speaker 3:Oh, with my favorite people. I don't like to do things alone ever. I'm like you can ask my whole family, but I don't like to be alone. I've never eaten at a restaurant alone. I don't like to like. I don't like to be alone.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I would like to. I've gone places, like travel places by myself and like I love it because you're on your own time. Yeah, but I get it Like I like going places with my favorite people as well, but I also love like my alone time and like being on my own schedule and no one like asking me what we're doing today.
Speaker 3:Yes, that is very nice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Okay, those are good Good thing. Those are like not actually going to happen because it's fake and this is reality. But Good Good thing, those are like not actually going to happen because it's fake and this is reality. But how did you get started with like teaching and then wanting to like prep parents for kindergarten, which is amazing. Or, like you also said before, we got on here like prepping parents for kids of any age, because it's just like amazing just to have like a prep for anything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think growing up I mean I babysat my entire life. I just kids have alwaysat my entire life. I just kids have always been my passion, like from day one, and I've volunteered at camps, like I've just everything has been kids. So I kind of always knew I did one year of nursing because my dad was like teachers don't get paid any money, you need to go be a pediatric nurse or something. I was like, okay, that's so intense, that's very specialized, yeah, nurse or something. I was like, okay, that's so intense, that's very specialized, yeah. So I did it for a year and I was like I can't hack it. So I was like, see ya. So then I got into teaching and it was like super easy because it's like exactly what I wanted to do. So I was teaching, teaching, teaching. And then COVID happened and at that point our daughter was, I want to say, four months old.
Speaker 2:Wow, and it was my oldest, was like seven months Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't know how you feel, but my friend and I were talking at the gym this morning. It was the best time of our lives, really. Yes, like, keep me home. I mean, you got home from school though. Yeah, keep me home with my baby all day long and I will be so happy. I was also so. That was like the first. It was like March to like May, june of COVID with kindergartners on the computer.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's right.
Speaker 3:It was a hot mess.
Speaker 3:I remember people at work who had kids in school like talking about that, so you kind of almost got like an extended maternity leave but you're also still working or trying to figure out, like how to do the virtual yes, but because it was that like first part of virtual and it was kindergarten, we had a little bit more grace, so super funny. My husband is, I'm like very serious, like run through the checklist, do all the things, and he is like the fun part of us and so I was doing like class read aloud. So I would like have a book, read it to the kids, record it, then they could watch it whenever.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, he had the great idea Cause our daughter's very animated always has been to dress her up and give her props and he would like play with her as I love it. So I still have all the videos. So during the school years, even now, I'm like look at Ty when she was little and like they love it, like that was the best time. But also during that time you know they're like four months old, like we're we sleep, trained, we were figuring out food, we were trying to keep her busy like do all of the things. And a lot of it came very naturally to me, I think, because I had all of this background in it and also I was just home, I was able to research and do all of the things.
Speaker 3:And one of Russ's friends actually was like. So let me back up. A lot of people always commented how happy Ty was and what a great sleeper she was, and so we would have her parents come babysit at like 6.30 at night because she would be in bed and she would sleep all night. We were very lucky.
Speaker 3:And they were like this is great. And Russ's friend was like Angie, you should like do a YouTube channel. And I was like oh, nope, no, no, no, no, no. And eventually I was like, well, like I don't know, I didn't have Facebook, I didn't have Instagram, I had nothing. So she was like Angie, you need to do this, Like this is not normal what you're doing. And I was like okay. So I actually took over my husband's Instagram and I just like renamed it and I just started word vomiting. Yeah, like I started with baby sleep, because that's what everyone was like commenting on. So it started with that. And then it turned into like activities I would do with her that were like developmental, and I'd be like this is good for your fine motor, this is good for their gross motor, this cause. I had that aspect and background of it, like we're not just doing this because it's fun. Yes, it's fun, but also there's a purpose For a reason. Yeah, yeah. So that was that. So then COVID was a hot, hot mess teaching full-time.
Speaker 3:Our parents were in watching her like it was a lot, but I just kept going. So then we go back to school and I'm petrified because I have a baby at home. She had had RSV in the hospital, like she has had the gamut she had to go to the hospital yeah, she was overnighted two or three nights, I think, with oxygen, like she was fine, but like yeah it, yeah it was. It was scary.
Speaker 2:I've heard RSV is very scary for like for infants.
Speaker 3:It was. It was a lot and yeah, but it was fine. Made it through. All is good. Um, but when the kids came back I was very nervous about getting sick. So then I started young living because I wanted this NingXia drink, which is very good for immune support and great to help you sleep and de-stress and all these things. So I grabbed that and I was like, well, I'm already sharing online, so I might as well just start sharing this too. And then we got into the essential oils and the thieves cleaner and all of that, so that was just like an easy thing to like add in. Well then, like behaviors at school started to change, like behaviors have gotten worse over the years. Teaching now is not what teaching used to be, and so I was like what can I do to help this?
Speaker 3:And you can ask anyone I teach with. I'm like okay, but how can we help the parents? Okay, but like, what resources can we do to help the parents? Like we need to help them. Like we need to be on the same team, like teachers and parents should be in open communication all the time, Like we need to be on the same page, we need to be doing the same thing, yada, yada, yada. So that was Instagram was kind of my outlet for that, because there's only so much I can do at school and in the classroom and stuff. So that's kind of how all of the like just parenting tips and tricks. I'm not the best parent by any means. Ty is not the best child by any means. I very clearly, on Instagram, tell about real life situations.
Speaker 3:Yes, you do I will tell Sky. Yes, yes, I mean situations. Yes, you do, I will attest to that. Yes, yes, I mean my girl. Drop off is not her thing, so we have tried many of the things. But so then I, as she's coming into kindergarten, I'm really getting that aspect of like this is what she's worried about, this is what I'm packing her for lunch. These are the things that we've taught her to do in order to make friends or stand up for herself or ask for help. And I was like we've taught her to do in order to make friends or stand up for herself or ask for help.
Speaker 3:And I was like, what can I do with all of this information and knowledge? Like I want to help people, and so I created these guides. And people have really loved them and it's been super fun. And so if you grab the guide, you also get into this exclusive group chat on Instagram that I created. So we've got moms and dads in there like asking questions. Someone asked this morning, like can my daughter bring a stuffy to school? And I'm like, well, I can't speak to like everybody's rules, but in our school we do this. Or someone's like how do I send this to school? Like what about a hot lunch?
Speaker 3:And I'm like can't really really like there's no microwave at school anymore, so it's like this great group chat, like you're texting your best friend, but, hi, I'm a kindergarten teacher and I can give you like the real life answer, um. So yeah, it's been a lot of fun that is.
Speaker 2:I love that and also the fact that you were teaching during COVID. Those kids are like what? 10, now Probably going into like fifth grade, which is like crazy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's wild how fast time. And they tell you like time goes fast and like you believe it. And then like you have a kid and you're like how do I have an almost six-year-old, Like I'm still 21.
Speaker 2:I don't know about you guys. Time is definitely a thief. It's like crazy, crazy, crazy. But I wanted to talk more about. You said that like the behaviors have changed, like over the years, or like more specifically, like pre-covid and post-covid. Like could you elaborate more on that? I kind of maybe have in my mind, but I'm not sure because I didn't live it, but I'm like, oh, that's fascinating and I don't know if it's just that I'm noticing them more because, like my daughter is of this age, like I might just be noticing, um, and it's not just in the classroom, like it's out in public as well.
Speaker 3:And I think this whole era of like gentle parenting and Montessori activities, I think it's just you know, the pendulum swings and I think we're like way over here. I think we're starting to come back a little bit, but like I don't know, I remember hearing, like I'm just going to give my kid a knife this is Montessori. He can like cut everything. No, no, I mean, it was a kid safe knife, but like. No, you have. Like. Montessori is very much like you teach specifically how to use something and then the kid does it like True, so like it. There is some background to that. And as far as like the parenting with, like the gentle parenting, like and I saw another one, what did they call it Like? Because I said it the other day oh, shoot, like, basically like, do whatever. I'm over it, Like. Oh, that's what it is, figure it out. And there's a cuss word in there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that one and I was thinking about that and I was like I've gotten to that point. But like we've done all the steps first, I've told you what's going to happen if you do it. Like I've set the boundary, I've done it, now you can figure it out and you know whatever. Yeah, but that's not step one, Like I'm not just gonna let you run wild and you see what happens.
Speaker 2:That's not people are starting it like the last step. Yes, yes, they're skipping and it's like. I will admit, I have days where, like I skip the steps and like listen like I have no energy left? Yes, but I feel like I don't believe in gentle parenting. I'll just say this right now um, because I don't. I just think it's just like not weird, but I'm just like, it's just like not reality to me.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 2:I feel like it maybe would have like are you a millennial? What does that?
Speaker 3:Like what generation I was 1987.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm 86. You're a millennial. Okay, perfect. Um, I'm obsessed with this stuff, though I love it. You tell me all the things. I'm obsessed with this stuff, though. I love it you tell me all the things Absolutely. So you know. We came up on like what? Like cable TV, but also maybe not cable TV. We came up on BCRs and we came up on like cordless phones Dial-up internet, dial-up internet.
Speaker 2:We came up on like Lisa Frank stuff. We came up on Speed Valley High. Yes, we came up on like lisa frank stuff. We came up on sweet valley high. We came up on like all of these. I feel we're just talking. I was talking, I think what they're talking about this with. Like the other day it was like we are like the last generation to I don't know.
Speaker 2:It's just like we're like the last generation to like know what it's like, to like put in work and like get something in return yes like every generation, like after us, is just like instant gratification, yes, like we're living it, but like we came up with stuff, like we were alive during 9-11, like that was a huge thing for the millennials. We experienced um, like the internet boom, like literally like the ww era, whatever they called it right. Um, we had car phones, like the zach morris phones, like my mom used to write checks at the grocery store and they used to put it on that thing and like they would slide it. Like we are just like I feel like parenting was so different back then. But also it's like millennial parents, like it's all of us over instagram like millennial parents, like raising kids.
Speaker 2:And I will say, like I have friends that are in like gen z it's like the one after us or whatever, okay, and like those are like the standout people for me because, like I work with them, so like obviously they're responsible because we're working. So it's like every generation is like they're bad apples and like the friends that I have from gen z are like normal people, but it's like they're they act closer to, like our generation, where I'm just like you, identify more with us because, like you're normal and like the people that I know, in that generation I'm like okay, like I'm not going to classify you as that whole generation, but like your generation's a little questionable sometimes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, um well, and Russ and I were just talking to these like younger parents. It I feel like some people don't know what they're getting into when they have a kid like your child.
Speaker 2:Talk about that before I had kids. It's just like. It's not just like a shirt you buy from the store and they're not a trophy down when you're done with it. Yes, like it's a lifetime gig, boo-boo.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you are no and I. I know there's different opinions on like my time, my kids time, downtime. I'm sorry for me. Like she is my world and I will do anything and everything for her and my time comes second. Like she is my priority.
Speaker 3:Like I used to go to the gym seven days a week for an hour and a half a day I go to the gym, maybe five to six times a week, 20 minutes to maybe an hour, depending on, because if she needs to get picked up, I'm the one picking her up. Yeah, if she like, if she needs help at bedtime, I'm doing bedtime and my husband does a great job.
Speaker 3:He does a lot of it too, but there are people who, I feel like, get very upset because it's no longer their time anymore. I'm sorry. You chose to have a kid. Your job is now to parent them. You are their teacher. You're supposed to, in my opinion, create this kind independent human who is ready to function in real life, and we can't keep sugarcoating everything. Your action has a consequence, whether it be positive or negative, and you need to learn to deal with that consequence. You could still be angry. You may not hit, scream, yell, throw a tantrum in the middle of the store. I will carry you out of that store and we can talk in the car Like what is happening.
Speaker 2:I was just telling my oldest today. I said it's fine that you're upset, that you're angry, like you're mad, you, you'll get over it. But the main point of this lesson is that, like you do not yell at mommy, like you don't scream, you can be angry, but just like, use your words and like I've been saying, like I say like you'll get over it to them, like not in, like a mean way, but I'm just like great, it's fine. Like you're angry, but like I'm still going to be doing parenting stuff with you, like, not that I don't care that you're, you can harp, it's just like I've been trying to like teach them that, oh, was that harsh. I'm like, no, like you'll get over it, like I'm also already over it because I don't care, like I don't care, not that I don't care, you're mad at me, but like it's still go, do what I asked you to do.
Speaker 3:Yes, I'm still your parent and I'm still in charge, like Ty has been telling me lately. Well, I'm in charge of me and you're in charge of you.
Speaker 2:I mean, but also like your five.
Speaker 3:No, no, mommy's in charge. My job is to keep you safe and safe and healthy and you may not slam the door in my face and you need to go put your shoes away so that no one else falls Like yeah.
Speaker 2:Sorry, still, the parents Very fascinating. And when you were saying about, like how your time comes second, so there's like a huge debate, I think, and that like it's either one side you are one side, you're not. So I love like my parents were like all about me and my sister, which is like amazing, blah, blah, blah. Um, I not that I disagree, but I feel like it's the whole like put your oxygen mask on first so you can help other people, and it's just like I like what you said, but I feel like what I'm going to say is like is opposite of like it's weird. So it's like you go to the gym, like you're still taking care of yourself, yes, but like your time is limited now, right, so I feel like people get so up in arms. I'm like not that I disagree with like putting kids first because, yes, you can make sure you keep them alive, but also it's like you have to make sure you are okay as a mom first, like go to the doctor, like mental health and like all of that stuff.
Speaker 2:But, I feel like some people are like, oh, like, I need to put myself first. It's like you. Then they're using it as an opportunity to like forget about their kids. It's like you are now a parent. You can no longer go out till 2 am to a party, when you have responsibilities from your kids expecting you to be home, unless, like you are traveling and like you're out. I mean, god bless you if you make it to 2 am, I will be in bed by 9. But what I'm saying is like you can no longer have the same lifestyle, right? Yes, it's like okay, it's I don't know, because it's just like people I feel like get confused about that.
Speaker 3:I agree.
Speaker 2:No, I thought your take is perfect myself first, in the sense where it's like I still go to the gym, I still do self-care, but like, yes, it's different. Like I miss the days where I can just like look up a yoga class on a random Tuesday evening or Tuesday morning and be like I'm gonna book it and go after work because I it was just me and my partner, we had no kids, right and it's just like I can't do that. Now, obviously I have to plan like days ahead of time. Who's doing take up? So it's like, yeah, I'm putting them first in that sense where it's like I'm not gonna be like, okay, mom, just like watch some longer, I go do me. I plan it ahead of time, yeah, and it's just like I'm not gonna leave my kid aftercare for 15 more minutes because I'm at a workout class. Like it doesn't work like that. Like you, it's like you can't create anxious beings because you want to put yourself first.
Speaker 2:It's like you have to like would I love to go to like a morning orange theory class at 5am? I would, but also it's going to require more planning on our end. And like sometimes it can be inside a partner, which is like not a bad thing or a good thing. It's just like it may not just work out for me, right, and I have to go to the ones after work, which suck, but it's like that's just where it is. I'm at work during the day so I can't go the middle of the day, let them off, which is like a whole nother planning too. So I'm feeling people I don't know. It's just like weird. It's like I've never like like broken that down that loud and go, I'm gonna put myself first. We're like, yes, I do. We're like I still take care of myself, yes, but I also make sure my kids are taken care of first, right, and it's like I shower before they wake up, because you know I'm gonna get myself dressed first before I get them dressed.
Speaker 2:It was like, yeah, so I feel like people, it's like all or nothing and I'm like, like you said, like you chose this life, boo, boo right and it's like it sucks sometimes and like motherhood isn't always fun, but it's just like I feel, like you said, people don't know what they're signing up for. Right, and it troubles me beyond belief because I'm like do you know the damage you were creating for your children?
Speaker 3:right, and that's where I have a permanent but and that's where I have a problem with social media, because I feel like a lot of influencers and just people out, even friends, like they're just showing the highlight reel and as much as you say that to people, I don't think they truly get it, because I mean I can share ties, like I don't show her actually tantruming, but I can talk about her tantrums. I can talk about how drop-off was so hard and I cried after drop-offs last year, like I can tell you all these things but until you're living it it's hard. It is hard for teachers especially. I'm thinking of just because that's my life. I regulate kids' emotions all day long and then I come home and I regulate kids emotions all day long.
Speaker 2:And then I come home and I'm not even your kid.
Speaker 3:all day long I've already had a tantrum in the morning. I need to be a parent and you tell your child that they need to have the same two shoes on when they come to school. Like I've already had that problem at home, I've already dealt with it. Now I need you to deal with it. My job is to teach the curriculum. It's just things like that where I feel like social media just glorifies everything and so people who haven't grown up with kids or don't babysit whatever, I don't think they grasp it and it worries me for them because it is a huge adjustment. Even for those of us who are immersed in it and love it and have the background knowledge to like know what we're doing.
Speaker 2:It was still a hard adjustment for us um, it's hard because you like I picture myself like reading all these like parenting books and like I didn't read one book. I started reading blogs when I found out I was pregnant and then I started getting into like miscarriages and like I was like, okay, I'm not doing this because I'm still the first trimester, freaking myself out. So I stopped that real quick, yeah, and I read like no parenting advice.
Speaker 2:So I'm just like I've always been told like it's your experience yes like you, having a four-month-old to went through the night was not my experience with either of my children, and that's nothing to get upset upset about with anybody. It's like every baby is different. Yes, yes, and it's like, but it doesn't mean motherhood is easy for you.
Speaker 3:It's like we all have, and I think that's the other thing. I think you make a really good point, like we all have different struggles. So like, yes, ty slept through the night for the first. I mean, she's always slept through the night, like we. Just that was one of our things and so we really focused on that.
Speaker 3:But let me tell you four and five well, really five has been the hardest year for us, and I know a lot of people struggling hardcore right now with babies under one, and I bet you they're three. Four and five-year-olds will be easier for them. So, like you have it hard, you have it hard now, later it doesn't matter. And even when you overcome drop-off, well, now, guess what? There's a new problem that you're going to have to tackle and you're going to figure that one out and then the old problem might come back again. You'll have to try something else and then, like it doesn't, life isn't easy. Like we have to figure it out together and I've said it before, like everything is figureoutable, sometimes stepping away, getting someone else's perspective, talking to a friend, and I think that's the other thing. I'm going on a million tangents. No, please, this is what we do here Sharing your struggles with people and just bouncing ideas off of them, just saying it out loud sometimes helps us figure out.
Speaker 2:I've never said that out loud, like oh yeah, like you know, like I've said, like like my sister, my sister, like oh yeah, like got to put myself first. I've never like broken it down for somebody that like said it the way that you said it. I was like oh wait. I was like let me you know, explain my version and see if it sounds like I'm being like ridiculous. But I'm like no, like I put my kids first, but also I take care of myself, because I know like if I don't, I'm not going to show up for them.
Speaker 2:And like I put them first where, like you know, I'm not out till 2am, like I'm not clubbing, I'm not going to the bar, like, also because I have a full-time job so I wouldn't be able to get up in the morning to get up. It's just like your life, just like changes.
Speaker 2:And it's just no one's ready, like no one is ready. It's like it's not a feeling, it's just a decision and you have to go for it. And my parents have like always put us first. They were both on the same page, still are with, like you know, kids or whatever yeah but it's just like that was like the main thing, like putting us first.
Speaker 2:Um, it affected like their relationship, like they're no longer together now, but it's like it was like looking back. I'm like, okay, maybe they shouldn't have taken us out to eat with them on, like their anniversary dinner, like they wanted, they wanted to be with us, right, and it's like that's just like it was just that generation, yeah, and it's like, do I think they should have maybe gotten date nights without us? Absolutely, yeah, I think they would slip it together today. I don't know, but I'm just no going by. Like what our experience was is that like we were always. They were always with us, which is fantastic. You never have to question whether or not they love us, because we know they do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was no parental neglect. Like they showed up for everything. We like we went without nothing. I mean like we didn't have to ask for anything, right, it's like they supported us, like with any and everything, and like they still do. So it's just like they're. I know some people who did not have that Right, whether their parents weren't there or like they were alive, but like not present. Mm-hmm parents weren't there, or like they were alive, but like not present, but like they were on common ground on that, which is like what you need to be common ground for. Yeah, um, I don't know. It's just like fascinating. And then also it's like people just like don't realize that like having kids literally is like this is a like lifetime gig.
Speaker 2:You can't just like parent, one day decide you don't want to do it the next day. Right Well and so funny story.
Speaker 3:Yes, but funny story because I lived at home all through college and then graduated, bought my own condo, like less than a half mile from my family, and then met my husband and then he moved into my condo when we were engaged and then like that whole thing happened. So like I've literally, and we live 15 minutes from my family now and his like life is great, but I call my mom and dad daily, maybe multiple times a day. Yeah, Ty, my daughter and I go over my parents' house multiple times a week. We see Russ's family multiple times a week.
Speaker 2:My mother, watches my three-year-old? Yes, and this summer she's watched my oldest because he's not in camp, because it's expensive. So it's like I see my mother Mondays through Friday and all the weekends, so she comes over or I'm hanging out with her, she hangs out with my sister and my niece, so it's just like all the time and it's just like you said, it's a full-time job.
Speaker 3:So ty and I were talking in the car the other day and she was like mom, I'm gonna live with you forever and I was like, okay, you can. I said you probably won't want to, maybe you'll just call me every day, like right yeah and she was like I'll get a phone.
Speaker 3:And I'm like, okay, yep, you'll have a phone one day and you can call me every day. You can live with us as long as you want, but there's gonna come a time you don't want to live with us, but you can still call me and we can go for walks and hang out.
Speaker 2:It was just it was so cute. No, their minds are fascinating, but like, just like talking to my parents, like their mindset, like when they were having kids, like my dad was like. He was just like ready, like it wasn't, like, he was just like over, like the partying, he was just like I'm just, they were both just ready to like settle down and start a family. They were just like this is getting old, like I don't want to, you know it's like you just grow out of it yeah, and you're just like.
Speaker 2:I don't want to do this anymore but then also, it's like when you have the kids oh, did you ever like want to like go back and miss your old life? He's like no, he's like like that passed and I'm like you know, let's move on to the next phase, right, right. And I think like I do miss my old life sometimes, like like for certain things.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, for sure, I miss going to the gym all day, every day, that was great.
Speaker 2:I miss randomly going to Target and walking around alone. Yes, like randomly doing things. Yes, would I give up my kids just to go to Target alone? Hell, no.
Speaker 3:Right Like.
Speaker 2:I could still go to Target alone. I have to be a neglectful parent, so it's like you have to pick and choose right and.
Speaker 3:I feel like people just don't understand that, like your life is not going to be the same right right and it's not going to be better or worse it's just going to be better or worse, it's just going to be different and different is okay and different is hard to get used to, and different takes some people longer than others to get used to. So like for us, for instance, I've wanted to be a mom my entire life. Like it just who I am. So like when I had a baby, I was like, oh, this is great. Like, yeah, like I was never a partier, like I just none of that was ever my scene.
Speaker 3:My husband, on the other hand, was like Mr Social and it was harder for him to be like he's. I want to play tennis and I want to play paddle and I'm going to do all that and he still does it, but he does it less because like you still have to be home, home, and like we go to his paddle events and watch daddy and like all of that. Like it just changes. And I think it's harder for some people to adjust to that change, and that's okay, but your life does have to adjust.
Speaker 2:When you have a kid, it it just has to yes, and I feel like when you have partners who are like both social, it could like cause tension because maybe, like mom feels like oh, you still get to go out with our friends and I'm home with the baby and like. But I also feel like people who like there's like social couples who do have children, but they don't let that stop them from being social, which I think is like fantastic. Yeah, sometimes I'm like that's kind of questionable. Why is your four month old at the bar with you? Can't you just grab a bottle of wine and stay home or get a babysitter, or maybe a few friends over.
Speaker 3:My thing is, though, like I don't mind going out, like late night things, like I can stay up I don't know how people function the next morning. Like I have a hard enough time keeping my emotions in check when I have sleep. I can't imagine the next day functioning Not just that, but like and having my alcohol tolerance changed after children.
Speaker 2:It's just like, yeah, it's just I'm like, plus, I don't know. It's, yes, it's.
Speaker 3:I'm just always so like, I'm just in all I'm like, if you can do it, that's great. Like, yeah you, if I just couldn't do it.
Speaker 2:There's no way I could be hungover with a kid there's no way. I'm also like there are certain types of people who go to bars that I wouldn't want around my children. Oh yeah, that too, yeah yeah. So I'm just like do you boo, like whatever? But I just feel like sometimes people need to like realize that divide, like you can still like there are people that bring their kids to breweries and wineries, like we do breweries, breweries.
Speaker 1:I don't drink wine, but fine, I love wineries.
Speaker 2:I haven't brought my kids there yet, but I'm like sure, like why not? I'm just like I like the people that like don't let their kids stop them from like still being social, but also kind of like there needs to be a fine line yes, there are boundaries that need to be set in place yes, especially as they get older and it's like and they're more aware, and you need a routine.
Speaker 2:They're more aware, like if they're out till 10 pm, you know, waking up in the morning it's going to be hell, right, you're both going to be in a bad mood. They have school the next day. Or if it is a friday to a saturday, okay, it's going to be the weekend, but you still need to keep them on a routine, kind of what if they're sports, they're going to be no good for the soccer game on Saturday morning. They were out till 10 PM with you.
Speaker 3:Right, right, yeah. So we were talking about that, Russ and I were talking about that. The other day. There was some reel that went around or he sent it to me or something that like I guess in other countries like kids are more like accepted in public and like these people just take their kids out all the time and they go to restaurants and they don't have to be quiet and they're just sleeping in the car seat and they're sleeping in the stroller and just got it. The parents are just going on with their life and I'm like hold on a minute. Like yeah, that sounds great, that seems great, but that's not developmentally appropriate for the kid. Like think about your sleep. You sleep better in a bed, you sleep better when it's dark and it's cooler. Like these are all like scientific facts.
Speaker 2:When like you're in your own environment?
Speaker 3:Yes, rather than like snoozing in a stroller at 10 o'clock at night, like sleeping is sleeping, but like not really. And like should you really be around? Like old I'm thinking like toddler age and older like Ty picks up a lot of stuff. Do I want her overhearing adult conversations all the time?
Speaker 2:No, it's terrifying almost, because like our six year old will like repeat things back to us and I'm like, oh right, you listen to every single thing that we say. And like he'll say stuff to the three-year-old. And I'm just like right, because he heard me say that to him and I'm like, or he'll be like, will you say that?
Speaker 3:and I'm like, I'm like you're not wrong and are you out of the spelling phase now? We can no longer be like should we get p-i-z-z-a for dinner? She's like pizza. Yeah, I want pizza and I'm like oh I forgot.
Speaker 2:My oldest has been like spelling and picking up on things since he was probably like three, oh god, three or four. So it's like I will spell something and, like my youngest now picks like I was. We were listening to something in the car and the song had like the word pool in it and he's like oh, pool. I'm like did you just read that from the back? That's awesome. I said pool, um, but it's just like I don't know. But I also like when the oldest was starting to talk and I've done it with the youngest, it's gotten better now it's like if I can't understand what they're saying which, like most times when they're younger, you can't, but as a mom you understand more than like your average random person from the street would. So I used to be like what does it start with so that I could, like they can feel heard, because they get frustrated when you don't understand, because they think that you should just understand. I have no idea what you're saying to me.
Speaker 2:I know you're getting frustrated, but I don't know what this means. So, to help us out, what does it start with? And like it's gotten so much better with the youngest, I'm like what does it start with? Or like you can see him getting frustrated and he'll like, if he's talking about a toy or something he'll like maybe try to go find it in his room to like show you which. I'm like that's good putting it together. But I'm like he'll have to say to me I'm like, oh, okay, that's what that means. Like oh, it starts with b, oh, that's what you're trying to say. And he's like, yes, so it's just like I've always done that, like that's great, because I'm just like it helps them like recognize things and like eventually spell and like read. But I'm just like what does this start with? Bro, just give me a letter and we can go from there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause I'm just like I, I just feel like I don't know. Cause they get frustrated. And then you get frustrated Cause you just like we just want to communicate with each other, but I don't know what you're saying today, right?
Speaker 3:I'll say the best thing that we did for communication when Ty was little, we did sign language and we don't know sign language at all.
Speaker 3:Like I was just picking it up, looking it up here and there, and I swear that's why she didn't have so many tantrums, because, like she was able to. So, for instance, like this is help, but she raised her hand instead of doing that. So every time she needed help she raised her hand and we joked because I was a teacher and I was like raise your hand if you need help. But I would say she knew maybe 10 to 15 signs, but it was so helpful in that communication link and, like I said, neither of us knew it. So they were ASL signs, they were real signs, but like it's, like you said, like feeling heard, being heard, minimizing the frustration and them getting what they need. Communication is all about gaining information and gaining things and so if we give them the tools, like you're giving them the letters, we were doing signs, like it's helping with all of that and it's just it's so fun to watch.
Speaker 2:No, no, I love it.
Speaker 2:And I also love um when I see little kids, like when they do the sign language, just like when they're eating, where I think they'll do more or they'll be like, like they'll say, and I'm like, oh my gosh, but it's like you don't have to be deaf to like do that yes, right like I, because it's like they're still learning how to talk, so it's like not the same thing as being deaf, but like they still need to learn how I cause it's like they're still learning how to talk, so it's like not the same thing as being deaf, but like they still need to learn how to communicate. So it's like more, or like you know, all the like I'm just like that is so like fascinating and it's like incredible and like who, like who doesn't want to learn sign language? It's just like awesome to know, even if you don't need it to communicate. Right, because like you're not deaf, but like you never know.
Speaker 3:Right, well, and all the kids? Now I feel like we're getting a lot of bilingual kids, and so the parents are like, okay, only English. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, keep speaking your native language. It is amazing that your child can speak both languages. Don't stop doing that. Like they know Spanish and English, like I wish I knew another language as well as them. And they pick it up. Kids that I have that start the year with little to no English and by the end of the year they can speak it, read it, write it.
Speaker 2:To an extent, I'm like that's why they say to each write it. To an extent I'm like. That's why they say to teach if you want your kids to learn a foreign language to start, like when they're talking because your brain isn't filled with all the crap that ours is filled with right, right, a complete sponge.
Speaker 2:They pick it up like that and they'll hold on to it. Like I am trying to relearn French that I learned in high school. I haven't picked up Babbel in like months, but it's like I've been trying. But again I am what? 38 with two kids working a full-time job. It's like I bought this like subscription form, like oh, I can do it for three months.
Speaker 2:I'm like I think I did it for like a month, like it was cool, but I'm like I'm also doing other things and it's just like it's still my phone. I literally still see it every day staring at me, but I'm like yeah, do it right now.
Speaker 3:So how does it work? Because that's really cool, like I've heard of it yeah.
Speaker 2:So, um, it's called babble. It's an app which is awesome and there's like so many languages on there. But I did French because I took that in high school and I still like remember some of it. Oh, this should be great. But there's like different levels where it's like you want to learn just like the basics, and it's like, oh, you want to learn how to like read it and like write it. So I'm like on level one, but it's like it gives you like challenges you could do, like to challenge yourself throughout the day, like, oh, do five minutes of it. Like, if you do 10 minutes of it, then you might be on to the next level, to like start to read it and recognize it. And then it's like throughout the lessons it's like, um, they'll say stuff to you and you have to like try not decode it, but like pick, like what they just said to you. So it's like you hear it and then like you see it, because there's like options, so it's like interactive on the app.
Speaker 2:You can do the interaction part. Yeah, okay, okay. And it's like I can send it to you because I think and it's also there was some special going on when I purchased it. It was like three months, probably have to rebuy the subscription now, but anyway, um, you look at these different levels and like you work at your own pace and like I still have it on my phone to like send me reminders to do it every day, because I never turned it off, but you can have it, send you reminders to your phone to like, oh, do your lesson today. And like you can do because literally I would do it like before work for like five minutes, but it's like I would, like I still know, like when, when I would hear them talk, I'm like, oh, like I recognize, like that sounds familiar to me, so it's like kind of flying through the lessons, but then you also can say it back to them and they can hear you like saying the words, and it's like they'll be like oh, like that was wrong or let's try again. Can't get to the next lesson until you get all of them correct and you can do it as many times as you need to. Oh, cool. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So they have other languages on there too which I've like never taken. Like I didn't take Spanish, I took only French, which I thought was like, because everyone was taking Spanish. I'm like, well, let's take that. And then we also had Italian that a friend of mine took. I thought that was awesome too. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:But I mean, like there's like Portuguese on there, polish, spanish, french, german yeah, it's like so many languages on there and I'm like I kind of want to learn French again, but also, like it's like you do it in your own time, so I can help. It allows you to do it in your own time. Yeah, but it's a little bit harder now because, like I'm older and I have all this crack in my head, um, to remember. But like my oldest would like here, he's like what is that? Like oh, it's French, and like he would like pick it up. But also, um, was it daycare maybe, or maybe not, I don't remember but like he would like say like the numbers in Spanish from like the videos they were watching, and I'm like, okay, yeah, because they're teaching kids new languages, like when they're younger yeah, and.
Speaker 3:I'm like wait, that's amazing so Ty has this thing called the yodo. I don't know if you've heard of it, so it's like Never heard of it. It's amazing. That's how we survive rest time. So it's this little box, we have the mini and then you buy these cards and the cards go in. It's basically stories like read aloud yeah, and for whatever. I don't know if we got it for her or my brother-in-law.
Speaker 3:he speaks fluent Spanish but it's a Spanish card and she loves it because it's like this boy with a funny voice and then this Spanish dog. So the guy talks to the dog and they go back and forth in English and Spanish and she loves it. Well, the like this. She's been listening to it forever but she'd be like I need agua and I'm like wait what? And then she like started counting in Spanish and like she knows her favorite I love hot chocolate. She was like mom, do you want some chocolate Caliente? I think that's how you say it. And I was like, wait, yes, I do. How do you know that? Like so, yeah, like they pick it up so early. And I feel like now our kids, these days, with the internet and all of the things that we have, they just have more opportunity to hear it and pick it up and use it and more people know the basics.
Speaker 2:I feel like that, yeah, it's pretty cool no, yeah, I love also that we just went on a tangent from the beginning it's my favorite um, absolutely love it. We have to do a part two to get my sister on here to talk more about this because she's also millennial.
Speaker 2:She's 94, um, I think it ends in like 95, I don't remember, but it's no, she's a millennial. But anyway, like we also talk about gentle parenting, but she is a fan of the monosaur. She thinks it's so cute and fascinating yes, I'd love to talk to her but like she doesn't do it with my niece, like not saying she doesn't do it at all, but it's like she's just so fascinated yes, it is fascinating she's like it's like three-year-olds making oatmeal for themselves.
Speaker 2:She's like what is that? I'm like, yeah, that's interesting. I mean it's good to have self-sufficient children, yes, but I also feel like it's not reality all the time. It's not reality all the time and, like I said, I think you shouldn't know how to make oatmeal. I don't need feel like it's not reality all the time. It's not reality all the time and, like I said, I think Like at three, you shouldn't know how to make oatmeal.
Speaker 3:I don't need to buy it. I think it's a cool skill to have if you've taught them how to do it all safely Correct. And I think people forget that part and you have to be consistent with that teaching.
Speaker 1:Yes, but I think people are like oh, this is funny, which means repeating it over and over like 50 times.
Speaker 2:Yes, repetition is the key to learning.
Speaker 3:But, I think that people think Montessori is let me give them a packet of oatmeal and some milk and like here, have fun. No, that's not it. That's not how we do it.
Speaker 2:Right, but yeah, it's so interesting I forgot to like say my grandmother, my dad's mom, was a first grade teacher for over 30 years. So I used to like go to help her set up her classroom. She had, like you know, the subscription, like the discount, like the teacher, the teacher store, so I would always go with her there and like, I don't think other than like when we were younger maybe we got toys, but every single present was like a book, yeah, and like she would like autograph it and like write notes in it and like we she passed, she's passed away.
Speaker 2:But like we like um, my sister and I got a matching tattoos love always, because that's how she used to sign her stuff and our one of her cousins got it too. But it was like in her handwriting.
Speaker 2:But um, like her, their house was like full of, like it was hooked on like everything, anything educational, right, brain quest, like and my mom is big on like educational stuff too, but it's like that's just like how I grew up and like my mom used to make us do hooked on phonics in the summer and like everything. It's just like I don't know. So I just think that's like so fascinating and like she loved kids and she has three of her own. Like my dad my aunt and my uncle and it's like she would come home to like three kids and like she taught, like so many kids obviously, over the years and she was just like she, just like loved children and.
Speaker 2:I'm always like it takes a special kind of person to be a teacher, because it could not be me. You could do it if you had to. I mean absolutely. But it's like we all have different talents for a reason. Yes, yes, that is true, um, but I'm like it just takes a like I feel like you know, if you want to be a teacher, it's like you love kids, like that's like usually the next step, but it's like, yeah, I love kids, but like do I love it enough to teach other people's children?
Speaker 3:absolutely not the best part is hearing the people that are, um, like job changers or that come to substitute and they're like okay, bye, no, no, you can't, you can't leave not yet leave, it's not over yeah, no, you can't. And like please stop quitting in the middle of the year, like you can't do that either.
Speaker 2:I mean I'm sure it's not easy, Like teaching is hard, obviously.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:But I just don't.
Speaker 2:I think teachers don't get enough like respect, but we definitely have to do a part two, because I think we can talk about so many things, yes, so thank you so much for being on. This was so fun. Thanks for having me. This is great. I'm like. This is why we love like, not giving like oh, this is what we're going to talk about, because we literally talk about everything and like it somehow all comes back together in the end. Yes, perfect, but I will. I'm gonna share all of your information in the show notes. Awesome, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Yes, do you have else Like any last thoughts for the listener?
Speaker 3:I don't think so. Just keep doing the hard parenting. It's hard to say no, it's hard to hold the boundary, it's hard to be consistent. But the more consistent you are at being consistent and holding the boundary, I promise you it gets easier down the road. They stop pushing back as much. They stop pushing back as hard. They're all about testing boundaries.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's how, that's essentially how you learn. Yes, yep, it's just hard when you're like when it's your child coming at you and you're like I've told you no, stop asking me, yes yep, so just keep doing the hard fight.
Speaker 3:Everything's figureoutable, you can do things. You can see, I've got my posters in here. Yes, I love it.
Speaker 2:You could do it. Yes, well, thank you so much, angie.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's great talking with you all. Hopefully we guys can like meet in person. That'd be so fun.
Speaker 2:I know we can talk about that too. Maybe we can record in person.
Speaker 3:Yes, let's do it Okay, and then yeah, all right, bye.
Speaker 1:All right, talk to you soon, bye. All right, everyone, this was another episode of Turn the Page Podcast. Thanks for hanging out. Don't forget to like, listen and subscribe, and also don't forget to leave a review, please, and let us know what you thought about today's episode and all the other episodes. Thanks, guys, talk to you soon. Bye.
