Turn the Paige Podcast

49: Return to Sender

• Tajuana Paige & Sheree Paige-Barber • Episode 49

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Friendship breakups hit different than romantic ones. While we expect romantic relationships to sometimes end, friendships carry this unspoken promise of forever. When they don't last, we're left questioning everything: Was I wrong about this person? Did I misread our connection entirely? Am I the problem?

Sheree and Tajuana dive deep into the complicated terrain of adult friendships – those intentional relationships we carefully cultivate in our 30s when time and emotional energy become precious resources. They explore why these breakups can feel so devastating and how our adult perspective makes these losses particularly painful. Both sisters share personal experiences from different sides of friendship endings, offering raw insights into both initiating a breakup and being on the receiving end.

The conversation takes an especially meaningful turn when they discuss accountability – that critical element that can make or break any relationship. As they point out, "Your trauma isn't your fault, but your healing is your responsibility." This powerful distinction frames their discussion about how we sometimes make excuses for people's behavior at our own expense, and how learning to set boundaries becomes an essential skill for preserving our wellbeing.

Whether you're currently navigating a friendship transition, healing from a painful ending, or simply wanting to build healthier connections, this episode offers compassionate wisdom about accepting that people come into our lives for different seasons and purposes. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do – for ourselves and others – is recognize when it's time to part ways.

Share your own friendship journey with us. Have you experienced a significant friendship breakup? Were you ever the "villain" in someone's story but grew from the experience? Connect with us and join this important conversation about the relationships that shape our adult lives.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Turn the.

Speaker 2:

Page Podcast Sisters, best friends and brunch enthusiasts.

Speaker 1:

With relatable episodes that feel like you're chatting with two of your closest friends or sisters. Join us as we turn the page to different topics about losing yourself in motherhood, adulthood, anyhood.

Speaker 2:

And finding yourself again through meaningful friendships. Shameless piles of unread library books and endless Amazon package deliveries Real, honest and a little bit chaotic we talk about it all.

Speaker 1:

So grab your favorite drink, put the kids to bed, lace up your sneaks or whatever you need to do and join us. We can't wait to connect with you. Can't wait to connect with you.

Speaker 2:

Hey guys, welcome to Turn the Page podcast. This is your co-host, sheree Page Barber, and this is other co-host, tawana Page. I never start off the intro. That felt weird, yeah, because I'm chewing. Yeah, we are outside on my deck, so forgive the background noise. It's a little breezy today. Lots of windows nearby are open, but hopefully you can hear us, okay. So we're gonna start with a rosebud and thorn. Do you have some? Okay, possibly All right.

Speaker 1:

The rose is is I started a new book genre that I'm reading, which is fantasy. Um, so that's cool. The bud could be that it's new and I'm still learning it, but I'm also reading a few other books at the same time because I have an issue and they're not fantasy, but one of them is from a book club at work. Oh yeah.

Speaker 2:

That I'm trying to get through. What book are you guys reading now? The Eights? What's that it's about?

Speaker 1:

Um, it's about um. For the first time in its 1000 year history, oxford University officially admits female students. It was Oxford 1920. It's a story of um four young women moving into corridor eight, so that's why it's called the eights historical fiction or is it real?

Speaker 1:

it's real nonfiction? Yeah, historical fiction. Or is it real? It's real Nonfiction? Yeah, it really happened. Oh cool, I got it from the library so I'm trying to like hustle through it, but I can always renew it. Um, and then I got my bookmarks from Amazon. The fantasy book I'm reading is by Nora Roberts. It's called the Awakening. A co-worker recommended it because she's really into reading and fantasy and a bunch of cool stuff. And the eighth is by joanna miller cool.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, how do you guys pick your books for book club?

Speaker 1:

um, well, I have a co-worker that is like you, who reads everything under the sun. Yeah, so she always like knows books, she has spreadsheets at home and she usually like throws out some of the ones that she can remember. Um, but actually my other co-worker recommended this one because she had seen it or heard about it or whatever. Um, so we just like throw things out there. Um, we read one of the ones you recommended. The house made the first book, oh yeah, of our book club. Um, I loved it more than my friends really yeah, I love it.

Speaker 2:

I'm on the third one now.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so we also talked about how there's a movie coming out in december from the first book. Oh, I didn't know that.

Speaker 2:

Okay, and amanda selfridge is in it and we believe that this is from another co-worker.

Speaker 1:

That told my other co-worker he saw it like he saw the preview but he didn't know like any more specifics, but he like recognized the name because he was also reading it with us. Yeah, we believe we have come to the conclusion that Amanda will be playing Nina, just because of like how she looks and how it's described in the book Interesting as opposed to Millie, but it's weird that they would only did they release like the full cast.

Speaker 1:

I mean, I'm sure they did, he just didn't pick up on it. He recognized, like Amanda, the actress, and then like, recognized the name, yeah, but she didn't really get much more. I think he had just seen it or something.

Speaker 1:

I think, he had just finished the book, so it was fresh in his mind, fair enough, but it's coming out in December, which I thought was pretty early for them to be talking about it now. Maybe I'm not in the entertainment world, so maybe this isn't too early. Maybe this is like like three well, it'd be four months, but if it's like three months, I thought usually that's what they did. I don't know. We should see it though. Yes, um, thorn, I had my period this week. I got it yesterday. I was supposed to get on friday, which was today, but I guess it'll be over sooner. I't know, but I don't love it. Good times, um, yeah, so that's where we are Fair enough.

Speaker 2:

My rose is that it's starting to feel like fall, whatever. Um, it's nice and crisp and breezy, and I also went to Trader Joe's to get some flowers today because I've been trying to keep up with like getting fresh flowers and like mix and match, make my own little bouquets, so I have to get a bigger vase.

Speaker 1:

This one's not wide enough.

Speaker 2:

You can't see my eyes rolling wide enough, you can't see my eyes rolling, I know. Um, so yeah, that felt pretty good. Um, my bud is family. Family really showed up this week and showed up and showed out. I felt very supported and um Fridays have been like our barber family days, which is nice. We'll like run around sorry to interrupt guys.

Speaker 1:

Yes, your barber family days.

Speaker 2:

Today's friday, more barber oh I thought you were going to interrupt that. Um, what would you like to share? Um, and my thorn is just that, like, everything is so expensive. I looked at my bank account today and was like oh my god, when did that happen? And how will I make the next week stretch Right? Um, yeah, so that's where we are.

Speaker 1:

I am crashing on their barber party.

Speaker 2:

It's all good, we ran around this morning.

Speaker 1:

Guys, today we are talking about um, not controversial, but we feel it needs to be talked about and it is essentially about like losing friends in adulthood, ebbs and flows of that how to deal with that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah like shifting friendships shifting in different seasons of life, yeah, which I think is a topic that, um, everyone can relate to and probably has experienced like, yeah, I don't know once, maybe more times. I certainly have experienced it a few times, um, but I've, I think at first I kind of take it personally, but once I get over the grief part, I try to look at it as like clearing out the clutter and making space for like newer, yeah, and more aligned do you then grieve a new layer of grief because you realize that like the clutter was, could have been like a lot?

Speaker 2:

And even with. We had a situation previously where I would kind of look back on things and I'm like, yeah, there were definitely can we call them red flags, yellow flags Things that I didn't love, but I would kind of just let fly, and then after the fact it kind of felt like I don't know. Like I'm trying not to sound like a bitch, but no, I mean, it's our podcast.

Speaker 1:

We can like talk about whatever we want. Like feel free to like not air out your well, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2:

Like just don't feel like you have to like hold anything back I think in some ways in like the instances that I'm thinking of, after I got over the initial like anger, sadness, grief it kind of felt like the universe did me a favor because it wasn't something that I probably would have been able to do on my own like just something that wasn't me and I would let it slide um, just to like kind of keep the peace, or yeah, and realizing after the fact when I no longer had to do that, like how much that was weighing on me yes, and I feel like for both of us, like we're not like cutthroat, where it's like you do something was once to us and we're like f you, I'm done, we give it like a few more times.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean, some people are just cutthroat or just like you, you know, mess up once and like we're done, yeah, um, we both are not like that. But I feel like for both of the situations that we are talking about, that there were many, many red flags before the final breakup, and one of them was the breakup on us. I mean like we did the breakup on us. I mean like we did the breakup. The other one like the breakup, like the other person did the breakup, yeah, but definitely the other situation, the situation I'm referring to with the breakup, was that it was almost like a long time coming, yeah, and I felt better after like the breakup occurred, yeah, that I could have done better, like spoken up about certain things and just like Let in certain areas of your life, just like spill into others that maybe shouldn't have. I, yeah, I agree with that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean some people are better. I mean it's a skill I feel like you can learn.

Speaker 2:

But that, yeah, that's what I was going to say.

Speaker 1:

Is I feel?

Speaker 2:

like from the things that I have been through, where I have been able to learn from them, and like try to do things differently, and that is one of them Like speaking up or calling things out when they don't feel good, especially when people come into your life later, like now, as opposed to lifelong friends. You really have to communicate to show people what works and what doesn't, and sometimes it feels easier to not do that.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

And that is definitely a weakness, I guess, of mine that I'm working on and just feeling more comfortable speaking up and making things uncomfortable, and if that means the dynamic changes, it's probably because it needed to. But I like the use of the word breakup because I do think that is valid and I sometimes think friendship breakups can feel heavier than like romantic ones, because you're sharing yourself at different levels and, I also think, with partners like you can't expect to be with every partner forever true, but with friends you expect them to be around for, yeah, a while.

Speaker 2:

So it's kind of having to shift your perspective and change like, adjust to things, feeling different and also grieving and healing from how it went down, because that can also be damaging and painful.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I think also a big thing, what you're saying lifelong versus like friends you meet as you're older. Lifelong it's like you've not that you were like forced together, but like when you're kids, like you're friends with like everybody and if you're lucky, like they stick with you and like you become friends for like a long time. So you naturally just like see each other like go through like different changes in life. Yeah, I feel like when you're older, I feel like the vetting process is like smaller, where it's like I don't have time for BS Like this is what you get with me, this is what you get.

Speaker 1:

So I feel like when like a breakup happens, like at this stage of life, it makes me sad and disappointed. I'm like you're not who I thought you were. Yeah, which I'm like you just wasted my time. Both our times are it, and when you're younger you don't see time like that. But when you're in your 30s, you're like I literally can't get any of this time back and I've spent energy, and Not that my friendships in Nigeria weren't as intentional, but like when I'm older, I'm like I'm trying to do things more intentional, yeah, and like if we're making friends now in our 30s, like you best believe. I'm not just going to be friends with anybody, it's like an intentional thing Because we're all busy, we all have our own lives.

Speaker 2:

And it's like it's at that point in life where you're sharing those aspects of your life with the other person. I also think I don't know, I think this was one of my thoughts that I was processing pre-recording is, I think adulthood, and especially motherhood, has a way of like isolating you at times or making you feel isolated, even if you have I have a very full support system. I have great friends, I have people that are there for me and love me, but I do feel isolated sometimes and just like experiences being different, like the um proximity of people, like certain seasons or stages, like you can't share things, you know so it feels things that you almost, when you're younger, like without a doubt.

Speaker 1:

We're like, oh, of course we're gonna be at that together, like why wouldn't we be at your baby or like whatever it's like when you're younger, you don't have that perspective, that like it may not be like life is going to happen and like it's at that point where, like when you're younger, you're like, oh, I'd be so mad, and. But it's like when you're older, like you, you're like, oh, I'd be so mad. But it's like when you're older, like you can be upset, but I feel like not, it's like you understand.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think it requires a lot more grace. And like patience, yes, which also comes with being intentional and just like who is in your circle so I am now on a mission is in your circle, so I am now on a mission. I have been manifesting this week like bringing in people that feel aligned and almost similar to me, like personality wise okay, because I realized that I tend to draw in and the relationships that feel yeah the relationships that feel draining and like they require a lot more of me, with people that are like an opposite personality and for some, reason they are drawn to me, I am vice versa, yeah.

Speaker 2:

I don't know why, because it usually ends in like something painful, yeah, um. So I'm trying to be more intentional about like who I bring into my orbit, do you?

Speaker 1:

think it's the um industry that you're in and maybe because your personality fits the industry, I I mean, yeah, and like you're just doing it subconsciously, yeah, but I don't love that. No, I know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I would like to and like you're just doing it subconsciously. Yeah, but I don't love that. No, I know.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I would like to. Now that you're aware of it, you can be more intentional about.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think it's going to be.

Speaker 2:

I was talking to my best friend all week about this and every day she's been like so did you start a book club? Did you join a book club? Like I think that it needs to be putting myself in places or with people that are like-minded, like book clubs or like my job, like a hangout with those professionals, like and I'm not saying I'm going to walk away with a new best friend, right, and maybe we would never speak again, best friend, and maybe we would never speak again. But I think that I would feel more fulfilled knowing that there are other people who are, like, willing to carry the weight and have it be a mutual. Like the emotional side of things won't just be on me, because that's where I get drained and at this stage in my life I need to be intentional with work-life balance, with work changes, family changes, like I don't have time to be drained by, like outside people yes, and I for me now, especially since I'm like being more intentional with like putting in the work, like working on myself.

Speaker 1:

I am in my like no BS era and I am not here for adults not being able to take accountability for their actions. Yeah, and like if there's a problem, cool, you bring it up and we can talk about it. And like for me, vice versa, like I'm like it's, we don't have any more time to waste, like Like we're not like 25 anymore. Yeah, and for people like I think Brene Brown has always said your trauma isn't like what happened to you isn't your fault, your trauma isn't your fault, but like your healing is your responsibility.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and making sure that, like it's not projected onto like the people in your life. Yeah, because that's what I am seeing a lot of more in adulthood and it just irritates me so deeply. Like you're more empathetic than I am let's just put it on the record like you are, um, nothing wrong with that, and vice versa, nothing wrong with me being like less empathetic. But I'm just like listen, if I can go to therapy and like talk about my stuff and like deal, deal with my stuff like as can you whoever like the other person is.

Speaker 1:

And it's just like we all have issues, we all have our own trauma. Like stop making excuses. Or it's like we all bring in personal stuff to anything that we do. And it's like if you blow up on somebody, it's your responsibility to apologize and then make sure it doesn't happen again. And like go talk to somebody. If you need to go run, go do. Like whatever is your form of therapy, it doesn't even have to be talk therapy, like anything. Yeah, that like helps you through whatever it is you're going through, and that first starts with like having a coming to jesus moment with yourself. Yep, like me telling you that I think therapy would be best for you. Obviously, you're not going to hear it because you're going to get defensive because you have not had that conversation with yourself yet. Yeah, or I don't know, but that's what I'm like seeing a lot more of of adults not being able to be accountable for their own actions and it really irritates me and I don't know who said this quote.

Speaker 2:

But essentially it's like you have to meet people where they are because we're all in different, like phases of our journey, but like it's up for you to decide, like how much you want to put up with where they are yeah, man and being a human is hard it is I think that comes with too like being able to walk away, like when it feels like you need to that's true like respecting yourself enough, yeah even if it feels painful on the other side, if you're on the receiving end, or if you are on the leaving end and know that it might cause pain. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I do think it's still commendable. I just think that, like I don't know, there's a way to do it.

Speaker 1:

There is, yeah, yeah, I just, I don't know, and I'm not here anymore for like constant apologies with like no change in behavior. Yeah, because it's almost just like a Band-Aid, mm-hmm. Like no change in behavior. Yeah, because it's so much just like a band-aid and I'm not here for gaslighting or manipulation or any of that like if you messed up, own it and then work on like making sure it doesn't happen again, or like like just keep apologizing but also back it up with like putting in the work to like make it better.

Speaker 1:

Because again, we all have issues, we all turn to different things, and this I'm not saying this for anyone who like has you know, like another level of like, like addiction or whatever. Like I'm not saying like I'm not gonna speak to you like it's someone in my life, but I'm just saying like of course that's a whole nother layer, yeah, and like if you know that behind that is tons and tons of stuff, you know, for people, um, and sometimes those relationships need to be cut off because it's hurting, it's hurting you, yeah, um, that person might not understand because they are not in their right frame of mind, like in that time period, but if they do get sober, they can realize it and be like damn, I I messed up. Yeah and just, I'm just here for people. If you can own your stuff, you can be in our community I really am all about accountability.

Speaker 2:

We were just talking about this in the car, like someone cut us off and didn't even acknowledge it and I was like that's all I'm looking for. It's just for you to acknowledge my bad, your role, your behavior, how it impacts people oh, that reminds me I have you seen this quote.

Speaker 1:

It's just like sometimes you may be the villain in someone else's story, sure, and you have to accept it. Fine, and I hate when people are like oh, like, I'm never the villain, no, you are like, we're all human sure, we all, have, we all messed up.

Speaker 2:

There's always like a situation where it's like, oh, I was the bad person in that situation or even just like thinking that you were a good friend or right things the right way, and then it still could have caused damage for people you just don't know. That's why I think, being humble, yes, and yes, giving grace, because, yeah, it can go both, both ways.

Speaker 1:

For sure, but the giving grace part, like I feel like sometimes people take it too far by allowing people to walk all over them. Yeah, sometimes the giving grace part means like leaving people where they are and walking away, yep, and like cutting off communication if you need to, or like giving them time to come around to like realize their part. You're not saying you have to wait around for it, but it's like sometimes with a lot of people, it takes people being removed from their life to realize that they fucked up. Yeah, and it sucks, because it's not like it's a movie. You can just, like you know, replay the scene again. But for a lot of us we're adults, we have busy lives, like we're stubborn as hell, we have a lot of things like that we've been fed in our heads to like, yeah, and I feel like a lot of us just don't realize the role that we play in any part of our lives or anyone's life yeah, it's like nobody's perfect.

Speaker 1:

We're all imperfect, we're all human, we all mess up every day, but it's like that's not the problem. The problem is a lack of accountability. I agree, and like what you said to me before we hit record about um, people saying things when they're angry oh yeah, let me see if I can find that while she's looking for it, I'll kind of give like a synopsis. She was just saying, like when people say things, like we all say things and we're angry, but like realizing that, like you, like, at the end of the day you cannot take any of that back. So kind of like maybe you just stop talking when you're angry yeah, like being able to pause and reflect.

Speaker 2:

Dang, I guess I didn't like it. I thought I sent it to you, I don't know, but it was something like Was it DM? No, I mean yes, but I didn't send it to you. Okay, it was like reactions or behaviors, actions like done out of anger can't be taken back, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. It's like done out of anger Can't be taken back, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Which is why I think I'm on the flip side of things, where I, like will delay making a decision oh, because I don't want to overreact, or like make the wrong decision, and that is also I don't know.

Speaker 2:

it's like like my own, form of kind of paralysis. I think, it causes its own issues. Yeah, so I'm not saying that I do it right, because I don't react out of anger. I think that that's also a flaw or a weakness, yeah.

Speaker 1:

But I'm open to acknowledging that. Well, that's the difference. And growing from it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, because I realize I'm not perfect and I'm not going to be everybody's cup of tea and I very well may be the villain in someone's story, even though I try really hard not to be, and I think, kind of accepting that people are going to view you from whatever lens that they're coming from, regardless of what you are putting forward, and you not only have to let them think and believe what they want, but also, when people show you their true colors, believe them, as people say.

Speaker 1:

If it walks like a duck.

Speaker 2:

If it quacks like a duck.

Speaker 1:

It's probably a duck, yeah. Yeah, when people show you who they are, believe them as on, like yeah, yeah, but I mean, yeah, I'm probably the villain. A lot of people's not a lot, but like you know some people's stories or whatever, but it's like okay yeah um, no one's perfect.

Speaker 1:

Um, I'm still learning. I mean, I'm very stubborn, I'm very passive, aggressive, um, when I am sad about things, I mask it with anger and then don't admit that I'm angry. Um, but I think the big thing is what you're saying, viewing it through their lens, where it's like you maybe thought the friendship was going a certain way and you were like everything's great, and then, like, the breakup occurs and the person on the other end is like doesn't see it the way that you saw the friendship, and you're like wait a second, what? How come we didn't have a conversation about this?

Speaker 2:

Well, I think, in the situations I'm thinking of, because I've been on both sides- yeah yeah that it can one feel like, yeah, this is like you said, it's been a long time coming, like how could you not also see the signs? True, but then, being on the flip side of it, it does feel like having like the rug pulled out from under you. Yeah, so I can empathize with both, because there's like no right time to break up.

Speaker 2:

Well, and also maybe like for me, feeling like it's been a long time coming. I could have ripped the rug out from under them. Yeah, and them not understanding. It is what it is Like.

Speaker 1:

I can't argue with that, because that's how it feels for them True, and I think for me, like my biggest disappointment in all of these are like you're not who I thought you were, or at least who you're presenting yourself to be, yeah, which is sad because again you wasted my time, yeah, and my energy that I can't get back Correct, and it wasn't like, oh, we're just going to grab coffee. It's like no, like we shared like parts of our lives that you only reserve for friends or what they call friends out in the world, yep. And then you're realizing after, too, where it's like you may have shared things, but they weren't as like open with you.

Speaker 2:

You're like, oh, okay, maybe it really wasn't what I thought it was well, how do you deal with like a friend of a friend that maybe you're still friends with, but they broke up. How do you? What is your? Does your relationship with that person change?

Speaker 1:

no, we were. I was talking about this today with like my other friends and like one of the situations like two out of the three of us are like done.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, the third, we're like you can still be friends with that person, like we still love you yeah, um, and like that's what it is and one of my friends I commend her for this because it's like happened to her in the past where, like she made my friends with somebody and other people in her life like they didn't like love that or they just weren't a fan of that person and my friend's just like I don't care, she was like person and my friend's just like I don't care. She was like they're my friend, you're my friend. Like we don't have to hang out together. It's like I'm not going to not be friends with this person just because you don't like them.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's why you guys aren't friends. Like that's great. So I think it's just that too. It's like still friends with like the villain per se. Yeah, um, we just want to hang out together. That's fair and like, if the villain wants to address it with the people that are no longer in that circle, then they can do that yeah, yeah, it's having to be complicated, that's going to happen.

Speaker 1:

Oh, it is the vibe's already off and all people, all parties involved, will recognize the vibe is off. Yeah, um, but until everyone is accountable for their actions, the vibe will continue to be off yep and if you want to have a conversation about it, cool, hit me up.

Speaker 1:

Fair, yeah, I mean. If not, then I wish you nothing, but I don't wish any ill will. Yeah, like I wish you nothing but the best, like for your life. If you come back like a month later, be like you know, I was in a really bad place back then. I'm sorry you were, but like I didn't have to be on the other end of that, like if we were friends you could have brought me into it, or like you could have had. I think that's another thing where it's like when breakups occur, like in friendships, it's like wow, I thought we were friends. You definitely could have handled this differently. A hundred percent. And that's another discipline where I'm like I guess we weren't friends. Like can I get a refund? Return to Sunder? Yeah, it definitely.

Speaker 1:

I think that's where my anger comes from spiral a little bit like did I read this wrong? And it makes you question yourself, yeah, and you're like should I just never have friends again? It's like that's obviously dramatic, but it makes you question yourself, yeah, and you're like should I just never have friends again? It's like that's obviously dramatic, but it makes you think, because it's like all friendships and like relationships all start off the same, all like happy, like getting to know each other, and like they seem to like progress, like the same as any. Then you're like wait a second if there's an issue this is when we talked about things, yeah, and then when there's a breakup, you're like wait a second, did I pick you? Like, did I pick the wrong person? And then it's like did I do something wrong? All of the above, yep. Or it's like is your mask finally off? Like fantastic job keeping it on for that long, but gotta go, yeah, because then you feel like you've been duped well, it's hard to argue with that because in a lot of cases, like you probably were, I mean yeah, for sure, for sure but then I also the empathetic side of me is like maybe they didn't know how they would feel that's true when they actually encountered again the thing.

Speaker 2:

Great, yeah, it's um relationships are.

Speaker 1:

Relationships are, uh, tricky and interesting also used to be a really big proponent of making excuses for people. Yeah, like, oh well, they're going through something, or like I don't know, like sally's mom wasn't there for her growing up, like shit, like that everybody's going. I through something. I'm so sorry that does suck, but like not my responsibility to get you through that.

Speaker 2:

Or like to be a doormat through that for you, very true, like I can empathize and show up as a friend. But don't treat me like shit, don't take it out on me.

Speaker 1:

I'm not your mom, absolutely not. Or I'm not the person that, like you know, was the villain in your story. Yeah, so that's my biggest, one of my biggest pet peeves as well. I mean, it's hard because I've made excuses for people like a lot, so it's hard to like unlearn that behavior. Yeah, and then it's also like you're the empathetic one, but I'm the one where it's like I guess it's masked though Like They'll like all make excuses.

Speaker 1:

They'll be like oh well, like they won't like if I say that it's like no, we're all adults here. Like you can handle your own emotions, presumably Like I, if I say something to you that upsets you, okay, you can deal with it. Yeah, you might not have the tools to deal with it, but like I'm not about to not say something to you because it's gonna like, I presume it's gonna like, I presume it's gonna hurt, it might not but then I think that's where, like the productive and healthy friendships come in, because if it did upset you, tell me right and you may not have the tools for okay, like not saying great, go forth, but like that's when you're like, hmm, this seems to be a pattern.

Speaker 1:

I need to maybe address this with a therapist, yeah, or journal or whatever. Yeah, but I just hate when I feel duped because it makes you, it makes your betting process going forward like smaller and it's kind of like, you know, it makes you become a cutthroat, yeah, and it's like that's a horror. I don't want to be like that I'm not saying I have to be, but it's like I'm protecting myself.

Speaker 2:

It's the defense and it's like I will hang on to a defense mechanism until I will die on this hill.

Speaker 1:

Man, it's so hard being a human and so hard like being in life with other humans. We're just all flawed and messed up and we're all just walking out here unhealed Yep. Walking around unhealed, raising us unhealed people, raising some. Just walking out here unhealed yep. Walking around unhealed, raising us unhealed people, raising some people to be more unhealed yep, but we're all in this together until we start admitting things and taking accountability. That's when the true like healing and like deepness can begin yeah and uh.

Speaker 2:

In the meantime, I feel like all you can really say wish you the best. Wish you the best.

Speaker 1:

I hope you heal and yeah, yeah, because it's like none of us, like we don't have hatred towards anybody, it's just like it just didn't work out, and I'm so sorry because I thought we were friends, yeah, so it's just grieving on both ends, I guess. And, of course, like we all have our own sides, like the person who's the villain in your story. They may be thinking horrible things about you, so it's just like, what are you going to do? It's this never-ending cycle.

Speaker 2:

The good thing is you'll never know. It's this never-ending cycle. The good thing is you'll never know.

Speaker 1:

Because you'll never speak to them.

Speaker 2:

And you're not in people's minds. You can't read their minds.

Speaker 1:

They're no longer living rent-free. That's another thing. It's a guy. I struggle with putting energy into things that I probably shouldn't and I'm like this person's going to be rent-free in my head again. Yeah, man.

Speaker 2:

That free rent man I will speak on, I guess just like a different side of losing friendships and the grief it's like the ones that we've been talking about are like because of behaviors yes, choices problematic behaviors um, today is a dear friend's birthday who passed, so I think that's another loss that weighs. That's like that's someone that I wish was still here, yes, and she was a good one yeah, so yeah, I have. I think everybody's kind of there for a season and it sucks that some can't be there for longer.

Speaker 1:

Yes, whether that's actual loss or just like I'm not friends with you anymore. Loss.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Which is a loss too, but they're still here.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's all heavy, yes, and we're all doing our best.

Speaker 1:

We are, and sometimes that means we have to do life separately. Yeah, because your best is not mine. Yep, and that is what it is. Guys, please let us know, email us, dm us, put all that in the show notes to let us know if you've gone through something similar, if you're currently in it.

Speaker 1:

We know, we're not the only ones who've lost friends because of choices, moves, life changing. You are actually a recovered villain, where you were the villain in someone's story and you came out on the other side like owning it and being like, wow, that didn't go good and like you may not talk to them anymore, which is fine, but it's like you've grown from that and you've changed your behavior. Yeah, but it obviously took some time for you to like stop blaming others and be like, wow, I didn't treat them good at all. Yeah, I could have handled that differently. Yeah, you've definitely all been there and you may not have apologized to the person. You might never will, because it might not be necessary.

Speaker 1:

It might not be necessary yeah, because it's been like years or whatever. Just share that with us, because we know that it life can be isolating a lot of times, but we also know that we're not alone, that, like, we all have a lot of like relatable stories. We just have to get better at sharing feel, not get better. I'm sorry that's the wrong term. Um, put ourselves in spaces where we feel safe sharing them, because people could get better at sharing it, but they might not be in a space where people will receive it and that just sets them back. So I change it to like find spaces where it's safe to share your story yeah, manifesting as one, two, three doors closed, that ten more open yes, and that they are on the level that you need them to be on so you can progress at that level in your life.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and people change, unfortunately. Okay, guys, we gotta get out of here. We'll be back for another episode, yep like listen, review and subscribe.

Speaker 2:

Talk soon. Bye, all right, everyone. This was another episode of turn the page podcast. Thanks for hanging out everyone. This was another episode of Turn the Page Podcast. Thanks for hanging out.

Speaker 1:

Don't forget to like, listen and subscribe, and also don't forget to leave a review, please, and let us know what you thought about today's episode and all the other episodes. Thanks, guys, talk to you soon. Bye.

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Sheree Paige-Barber

Co-host
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Tajuana Paige

Co-host