Turn the Paige Podcast

52: I Am Who I Am (ft. Jae Callis)

Episode 52

You know that quiet nudge that says text her now, take the other turn, or say yes even though it makes no sense? We follow that thread with our cousin Jae into a candid, funny, and deeply human conversation about intuition, grief, boundaries, and the tiny choices that shape a life. What starts as a rose–bud–thorn check-in becomes a roadmap for trusting your gut through career setbacks, family illness, and the everyday improvisation of motherhood and friendship.

Jae shares the origin of her intuitive practice—premonitory dreams, strangely specific “downloads,” and the moment a sudden urge to check on loved ones foreshadowed a profound loss. We talk about learning to listen sooner and question less, letting presence be the gateway to clearer signals. From navigating a doctor’s office by feel to stopping a car at night and meeting a lifelong friend, we explore how openness (with discernment) can widen your world. We also confront the hard edges: the job you don’t get after multiple interviews, reframed as “rejection is protection,” and the ongoing work of supporting family without slipping into overcontrol.

The conversation takes an honest turn into empathy and media diet. One of us is pulled toward deep dives—9/11 archives, true crime—while another draws a bright line to protect her nervous system and peace. We borrow a reframe from supervision: vivid imagination fuels empathy but can also create secondary trauma. The fix isn’t cynicism; it’s skill—curate your inputs, notice your body’s response, and keep compassion without carrying everything.

Somewhere between astrology shorthand, wedding toasts, and kid chaos, the through line holds: intuition isn’t a rare gift; it’s a muscle. Practice in small ways. Text the person who surfaces in your mind. Journal the moments when your gut was right. Meditate, pray, or sit quietly until the noise drops. And when the world asks for you—at work, at home, with friends—answer from the part that already knows.

If this resonates, tap follow, share it with a friend who trusts their gut, and leave a review so more curious listeners can find us. Your stories make this community smarter—what’s the last time you listened to your intuition?

Turn the Paige Website: https://teatimewithtajuana.com/

Turn the Paige Newsletter: https://turnthepaige.myflodesk.com/

Turn the Paige Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/turnthepaigepod?igsh=cWt2djFtcWU5ZzV3&utm_source=qr

Turn the Paige Pinterest:
https://pin.it/37lrgPjKc

SPEAKER_03:

Welcome to Turn the Page Podcast, sisters, best friends, and brunch enthusiasts with relatable episodes that feel like you're chatting with two of your closest friends or sisters. Join us as we turn the page on different topics about yourself, motherhood, adulthood, and anyhood.

SPEAKER_02:

And finding yourself again through meaningful friendships, endless piles of unread library books, and endless Amazon package deliveries. Real, honest, and a little bit. Talk about it all.

SPEAKER_03:

So grab your favorite drink, put the kids to bed, lace up your skirt or whatever you need to do, and join us. We can't wait to connect with you. Hi guys, welcome to Turn the Page Podcast. This is Tawana Page, your co-host. This is your other co-host, Shere Page Barber, and we have a special guest.

SPEAKER_01:

Hi, I'm Jay. I'm their cousin.

SPEAKER_02:

Yay! Jay's here visiting us from Georgia. If you don't want to disclose where you're from.

SPEAKER_01:

No, that's fine. Okay. Atlanta, Georgia.

SPEAKER_03:

You don't have your address on the sites like other people do.

SPEAKER_01:

Born and raised. I love it. But no, I'm here visiting my two wonderful first cousins.

SPEAKER_03:

This festival first.

SPEAKER_01:

Of course. That means we're closer. Closer in relation. Um, but yeah, we're hanging out and I'm enjoying spending time with them. And hello everyone. Okay, so usually it's gonna pick up on that.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, sure. So usually on our guest podcast we do a this or that, but we don't have that prepared today because we were full disclosure at a winery um celebrating Jacquaret being here. But we're gonna jump in. We can do a rosebud thorn.

SPEAKER_02:

So rose is something good, bud is something you're grateful for, thorn is something negative or like not great.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Or the bud could be like something you're working on, but you're grateful for like the process that you're working on at.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. You can go first. So, Rao, something good. Um, I have pivoted my way of doing things at work and prioritizing tasks. Okay. Um being more productive and efficient. I like that. Nice. Um, and you said, but uh something you're gonna be. Something grateful for.

SPEAKER_03:

Even if it's like hard, but like you're so grateful for like going through it, or maybe something you went through that was really hard in the process, but like on the other end, you're like, oh, I was so grateful for it.

SPEAKER_01:

I am grateful for always having a positive mindset. Um since December 24th, like Christmas Eve of last year, I had five family members in and out of the hospital. Okay. Some of them with some very serious conditions. And um, one of my family members, actually, my favorite uncle, passed away in February. We had the same birthday. Oh wow. And um, to some people, that probably would have been a lot to deal with. Um, but I'm grateful that I was able to understand that, you know, it's a process of life, you know. Um, but value their input and what they did for me in my life, that one that passed away. Um, and just being there for my family members that are still here, but dealing with their own um, you know, medical conditions and making sure that I'm supporting them and not being too overbearing because I can kind of be like someone that kind of like really jumps in because I'm a problem solver by nature, yeah. And knowing when to like draw the line back to where, okay, they have to want to be better for themselves. Yeah. Instead of me trying to take the rein. So that was a process I had to learn. Um, and what was the other one? Thor. Thor.

SPEAKER_02:

Something negative, something negative, or like something you didn't love.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. But it still happened, yeah. So there was this position that I actually applied for at work that I really wanted. Um, I had multiple rounds of interviews, and unfortunately, I was not offered the position. Okay. Um, it was kind of I don't want to say like gut-wrenching, but I was confused because I felt like, okay, I got through this far. It was looking good, but ultimately what I kind of gather is that they possibly just already have someone in mind that they wanted for the position. Um, and just knowing how to take the personal side out of it and understand that it's not my season. You know, everyone has their own season to win, lose, or whatever. And it was that person's season. And this isn't mine. It's not bad, it's not good. It's just that's life. And just moving forward and understanding that, you know, maybe that rejection was protection. Mm-hmm. And um, just not being, you know, so negative and moving forward with my career development and you know, continuing to do the work so that I'll be prepared for the next opportunity that comes.

SPEAKER_03:

Fair, yeah. I love that. Love it. Thank you. Do you want to go next? Sure.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't like going when I don't have it. Okay, I can go haired.

SPEAKER_03:

I can go. Okay. So my rose is that we get to spend time together. We, as in the three of us, after since a year ago, because when you got married.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, the wedding was fantastic, by the way. I had a great time celebrating with my family. It was nice.

SPEAKER_03:

The bud, I would say, is offline before this recording. We had like a deep conversation, like come to Jesus moment, like for myself, but it was like all out of love from both both of them. My sister and my cousin. Just like the constant like growing process and the growing pains of growing and how painful but also like beneficial it is, and that. Um, the thorn I would say is that I have fallen off with like being active and like working out, and that's not to say like that you should be working out, but like for me personally, that's just been like a thorn for me. It's just been trying to like find the right time to do it. So I'm still trying to work through that. Again, I feel like it's always a cycle, but maybe that's just what it is. So, sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

That's fair, yeah. Um, I guess my roses also this time. I think, especially as adults and moms, it's hard to find one-on-one quality time to connect and actually get to talk and pick each other's brains and catch up. So that always feels fulfilling, even though who knows when it'll happen again. Um, my bud, even though it was long and I really don't have a great attention span. I had a good training the past couple days that um I feel excited about, like to use and to implement, and so yeah, that I guess I'm grateful for always learning and growing in my career. Um, because I had to get pretty bored.

SPEAKER_03:

Love that.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, my thorn I don't know. Um grief just an ongoing process. Um that's day today, and I think different in different contexts in different regards. So just kind of meeting myself where I am and whatever that looks and feels like for the day. For the day, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

That's the best you can do. Yeah, being present in the moment. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that, yeah. So, guys, just full disclosure, we had an actual like topic for today planned, but it's just gonna be a mixed bag of things today, just because this is who we are as adults, just being super honest about things. Um, but Jay, I wanted to for you to share with the listeners about intuition. Um, I admire that about you. So if you could just share like as much as you're comfortable with, like your journey with that and like where you are with that now, and if anybody is interested in like learning about diving into their intuition, and like it'll be helpful for me too, because I'm trying to okay, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, okay, so um I first kind of learned that I was I guess somewhat different, was when my maternal grandmother um was about to pass away. Okay, so your mom's mom. My mom's mom.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and oh full disclosure, sorry, timeout. I love saying those phrases. Um, Jacre is our first cousin through her dad and our um mom, so brother and sister. So it's her mom's side. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. So um my grandmother, um, we were very close. I'm the only child, and basically she was staying at me and my mom's home for a few days um because she wasn't feeling well, and she told us that she was ready to go home. And so we were like, okay, we'll take you home. And I woke up one morning just feeling like something was wrong. I didn't really know what it was or what was going on, but I immediately like called my dad, he was fine. I called my grandma, she was fine.

SPEAKER_03:

Did you get a sense that something was wrong with people that you in your family that you loved, or just like you were just like going through like the checklist?

SPEAKER_01:

Something felt off and I felt an intense feeling like I needed to do something. Okay. I didn't know what it was. You just felt okay. Felt like something was wrong. And so I was like, hmm, maybe I need to call and check on my close people. So like I said, my dad was good, my grandmother was good.

SPEAKER_03:

Our grandmom shared together or grandmom?

SPEAKER_01:

I my grandmother, my maternal grandmother. Okay, okay. I did call uh our shared grandmother. Yes, I called her to check in her and see if she was okay, she was fine, and our grandparent, our granddad was still living at the time. So yeah, I called everybody that I could think of to make sure everything was okay, and everybody was fine. And so I said, okay, well, I don't know what that was about. So I just kind of left it alone. Uh, like a couple days, well, maybe like a week or so later, um, my dad was picking me up from um the bus stop. Okay, and I was uh we would he usually drops my friend off, you know, before he takes me home. But anyway, he basically disclosed to me that my grandmother had passed away that day. That day he picked me up, and I was like, what? Because my grandmother was like my favorite person, um, and I was the only child, and um, even though she had other grandkids, I knew I was her favorite, like nobody could tell me, and so I processed that death very differently than everybody else. Um, I felt like I didn't grieve how everybody else grieved. Like, of course it hurt, but I wasn't distraught about it. Like I thought I would be. And when I went to the wake, because we had the wake. No, wait, pause. Before my grandmother passed, my aunt Lily, who was my grandmother's aunt, so she was my great aunt. Okay, she passed. Okay. Like probably a month or so before my grandmother passed. Okay. And so when I went to her wake to view the body, I saw my grandmother's face. Oh. And my aunt Lily's face. Oh. Now my aunt Lily and my grandmother favored each other, but my grandmother was dark-skinned. Okay. And my aunt Lily was like about your complexion. But you saw herself. I saw my actual grandmother's face on her body. Okay. When I walked up to her. Did you tell anybody that? I told my mom. Oh. And she was like, what? And she didn't understand it. And of course, she kind of like disregarded it and just kind of never really took it serious. So I didn't have anybody to talk to about it. Yeah. It was very strange for me. And then it also made me question if it actually happened. Or am I making this up? Yeah. So fast forward, my grandmother passed. And I'm like, okay, so I saw my Aunt Lily pass, and I thought my grandmother's face was in her face. It was kind of like foreshadowing. Okay. Letting me know. So in hindsight, as an adult now that I know everything, my intuition was trying to prepare me for her death. Yeah. Because of our relationship. Yeah. Like, even though I wasn't prepared to see what I saw and understand what was happening, it happened, and I felt like it was a way for me to not take her death so intensely. Yeah. Um, because to this day, when I think about her, I don't really cry. Okay. And for years, like she died my um freshman year of uh high school. Her birthday was May 10th. She died literally on her birthday. And my mom found her at home. Okay. And so that was very hard for my mom to deal with finding her mom. Um, but like I said, everybody else was like distraught because she was like the glue for our family. And I just felt bad and beat myself up about it. Like, why do I not feel bad? Yeah. So that was when I first knew that my intuition was real. Okay. So fast forward some years, that was like I said, I was a freshman in high school. Um, I would say possibly I've had glimpses of it in my life where it just I knew things, but I didn't know how I knew them. Okay. And I would get signs. Is that for like things that would have like a premonition? Yes. Okay. So me and my child's father were going through some things. Yeah. And basically the answer I needed was delivered to me in a dream.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

And so when I woke up from that dream, that information that was provided in the dream gave me exactly what I needed to know. And translated into like reality. Right. Okay. And I also would verbalize things to him that I had dreams about for him. And so he diminished it, like, oh, you're just being negative, or this, that, and the other. And I'm like, no, this is this is gonna happen. It may not happen immediately, but it's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03:

Because at that point you had already had experience with things happening that you had already dreamed about. So you knew it wasn't just like you were just saying it. Like you had practice, not practice, but like you had had experience with it.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. Okay. And so, excuse me, when these things were happening, it was like, of course, he never confirmed, like, oh, you were right. Yeah. But I was, yeah. I was right. Yeah. And I get messages delivered, like I said, in my dreams. I have like visions, or like even something simple as, you know, I'm going to the doctor's office, right? I've only been to this doctor's office one time. And I don't remember what floor or what, you know, door that I'm supposed to go to. And my intuition guides me. Okay. And I just pay attention and I just go with it. Okay. And that's why I said presence. Like the way it helps me to build it and to like expand and get better at it is being present and not questioning it. Because whenever you get those feelings, those inklings, you have to allow it to come through in order for you to receive it. If you're blocking it and asking all these questions, or that doesn't make sense, or whatever, you're not connected. Yeah. And so that's pretty much how I have gotten a little bit better at it. I wish I was light speed where I could like really use it for different situations. But but it starts with something as small as, like I said, the doctor's office. Yeah. And I'm sat I try not to say this a lot, but naturally I'm someone that overthinks things. And so that has also kind of helped me to trust the process and trust what I feel. Okay. Because I'm not trying to overanalyze it or find the rationale behind it. I'm like, this is what it is because this is how I feel, and this is what I need to stay away from.

SPEAKER_02:

So intuition and your ex for you, it means it's like something beyond what you can explain. It's like a something that you get messages, you get information. Right. Which is because when I think of it, I don't have those experiences, but I have like a trust my gut kind of like when I think of intuition for me. That's that's your intuition. Yeah, so because you were talking about with your grandmother and just having this information of like what was to come, it makes me think about um my friend that passed last year because something told me to reach out to her. I reached out to her on a Monday, and she was able, that was her last text to me. She was able to tell me what was going on. Like she was in hospice, she was declining. But you had been talking to her before that, right? But I would reach out weekly because she had been sick for a few years, but I would reach out and check in. But something was like, let me just check in today because I just had a feeling. Yeah. And she her last text to me was like, I'm in hospice, like things aren't great. But that opened the door for her family to keep me in the loop with what was going on. Um, because she declined quickly from there, and I was able to go see her um a few hours before she passed, and that was another thing too. That was like, do I wait until my husband gets home to stick with Sage, or do I like just go tell someone it's urgent, like I need childcare right now? Yeah, because then it could be too late. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I was able to do the irrationale part that you're trying to figure it out.

SPEAKER_02:

Not questioning it, like I just something told me I needed to do it, and that I knew it would be hard, and it was awful. I mean, it was terrible, but I was able to do it, and then a few hours later I got the message that she was gone. So, like, I had those last moments with her, right? But I think about that a lot with just yeah, so I guess it's personal. Like, intention to me is trusting your gut and listening to what your anxiety for me is telling you for you. Like, you get messages, you get information.

SPEAKER_03:

I feel like mine is like not reverse, but like both of our grandparents on like our dad's side, mine and Cherie, have passed away, but like they've been gone for quite a bit, but like since the trip had just wanna cut this part out. I didn't want to cut out what you were saying with the beeps and everything. Okay, so since they've passed away, I've had like I've like always had dreams about them since they passed away. And like the night that our grandpa passed away, me and Yusuri, I had a dream about him, and I saw his face like on my um headboard. Yeah, like saying that like everything's gonna be okay and like all that stuff. So I've always felt like connected to like not death, but like this sounds so weird. You can cut this out if it feels weird, but like death has always been like interesting to me. Um, like I first got into it with like nine, not into it, but like with 9-11, and like just like I've like looked up stuff, like just like interesting things, but I've had dreams about him since he's passed away in 2009, and our grand eight, sorry, 2008. Yeah, that too. Um, and then our grandma in 2001, sorry, 2021. Um like very vivid dreams to the point where like I've wake up, I've woken up like with tears in my eyes, like crying, because it's like I know that it's not real. Yeah. I've had very like loose, I have lucid dreams, and it's like I'll have actual dreams. Like their house has been like, of course, like purchased, repurchased and like remodeled, but like my dreams will be about like how their house was, like, when we like were going there.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And to the point where like it feels so real. Like our grandpa would like sit on the same side of the couch they always used to sit on, and just like I would just see like our grandmother, like very so. I feel like I have like they're visiting you, that's all that is stuff like, but it's like so frequent, and like I have dreams about like our house, like our parents' house, like they're you know, still here, but it's just like we don't live there anymore, so I have dreams about that, and then I don't know, so it's like I'm connected to that, and then I told Tri about this, like not my buddy, but like one time like in college sophomore year, I saw a girl that I named Abby at the door in a white dress, a little girl that she's like my ghost.

SPEAKER_00:

Um interesting, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, and it didn't scare me, it was just like, oh hey girl. She didn't say hey girl, but like she was there, and like I have seen her, I had seen her since then. Um so it was only one time? No, it was a few times.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Um at college. That's the first time it happened.

SPEAKER_02:

You saw her at home too.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, at home.

unknown:

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_03:

So I don't know if it was like a dream, because sometimes like you're dreaming, but it's like like you kind of like freak yourself out. Sleep paralysis. Yeah, like you're telling them what dream against reality. Yeah, it's a dream that feels real. Real, yeah. But I I do believe in ghosts and like things because I saw our grandpa the day the night that he passed away, and his face said and his voice was just like, you're everything's gonna be okay, like you're gonna be okay, and like um multiple dreams about that, and I've had dreams about like this might be controversial, but I've had dreams about like being a slave and like running from like slave owners and like so real and dreams about being on the Titanic, because I like had watched a show before, but it's just like I know sometimes I say like you you have dreams about things that like you had just watched before you go to sleep, but it's like I don't watch my grandparents' house before I go to sleep, but it's like I've had vivid dreams since they've passed about like their house and like us being there, and I feel like we missed out on taking our kids to our house, their grandparents, because like our parents moved out, they're divorced, so it's like that's how we grew up, like going to our grandparents' house. So I've had vivid dreams about our kids being at the house they never knew, yeah. Um, yeah, and I wake up like sad because I'm like, that's what you always want, or whatever. And then I don't know, that stuff like interests me, and like I said, I do believe in ghosts, I believe in like spirits, and like I don't know like what they're from, or it's just like they haven't quite crossed over yet. They have like some things to like um have unfinished business, but I also I see cardinals all the time, and sure and I talk about this with her dad, like it's like, oh, it's so and so, or it's so and so, and it's like I believe in that stuff too. I know some people believe in like feathers, yeah. Um I don't hear voices, I'm not like that, but like in my dreams, I don't have vivid dreams about people who have passed, very vivid, like it's real, but to the point where it's like I know that like I'm fully consciously aware that they have passed and that it's a dream. So is it only your grandparents? Um, the ones that have passed, yes, but I've had dreams about like like my dreams I've had about slavery, like I can have it's to the point where like I f I am oh something just flew in.

unknown:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, so I'm aware that like I'm dreaming. It was down there that I'm dreaming and that I'm like running from them, but I'm like you're in a dream, you're in a dream, you're in a dream, you're in a dream. Or dream is about me like this is really weird, but dream is about me like being in the situation where there is somebody like being an active shooter, and I'm well aware, and you're like, I'm like, I tell myself in the dream, like, this is just the dream, like you're gonna be okay. But it's like I experienced the whole entire experience in the dream, but my mind's like, you're it's just the dream, and I'll wake up like freaked out. Wake up like freaked out. But I've had very lucid dreams. I mean, I have them all the time about slavery, like everything.

SPEAKER_02:

But lucid, isn't that where you can control what happened or like what you do?

SPEAKER_03:

I think inception, yes, because it's like in some dreams where like I'm running from like people that are holding me captive. It's like I know that I'm running, I'm like, I have to run, but then I'm also just like this is just a dream, Tawana, but you still have to like I have them kind of like play the dream and I have to remind myself in the dream.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Cause it's like I feel like actually like afraid, but I'm just like you're just dreaming, it's just a dream, right? But I'm like, you still have to like complete like the task before you're able to get out of the dream. Yeah. Um, so I guess that's my side of intuition, but I do want to get into the I do want to experience the intuition that you don't know you said that you mentioned yesterday offline that like um you didn't mention with your grandmom, but I know you mentioned like meditating has helped you like come more in touch with yourself. Yeah, and I said, especially for women, we have been taught to like otherwise our intuition, like oh, that gut feeling, or it's like if you're around somebody and they don't make you feel like quite right and like your stomach kind of hurts, she's like, Oh, I ate something wrong, but it's like you feel like that every single time you're with that person, it's like that's your system telling you that you don't need to be around that person, like that's your intuition, that's your gut, or whatever you want to call it. Yeah, I feel like women have the strongest intuition out of like men and women, just because it's like as women, we this may sound weird, but like process information, we're the vessels of life, like we carry life, so it's like we kind of have to have that connection because it's like we are carrying and making life, so it only makes sense. But I feel like it's concerned woo-woo, and like we're taught to ignore it, but it's like situations where it's like something told me to like do like call this person or like not go down that road. I went down there and sound like, oh, like you're just being crazy, and like something happened.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, mommy will say that too. Like, something told me to reach out to so and so, yeah, and then she finds out that like something's happened they were going through something, or that they like one time it happened and it was like the person had just passed. So, yeah, it's I don't know who or where it comes from, but I also feel like we're maybe do you have an idea where you're gonna so really it's a connection from God, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, or like not all or your whatever you believe in. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the reason why you don't understand it is because we don't receive messages the same way as a higher power delivers them. That's true, and so when I do like the meditations or spending quiet time with myself, I'm able to kind of focus and like really be present because I feel that the more present you are, the more open you are to receiving the messages and what I call them downloads to understand like not a hundred percent, because we'll never a hundred percent know, right? But it's a way of understanding that this is something I need to trust, and every time it happens, I need to trust it. Okay, so it's a process, yeah, and just like you know, with anything else, it takes practice. Oh, yeah, and even someone who is like super attuned have their own practices and they are able to truly connect, and like for me specifically, is I'll get downloads like in the shower. Okay, I'll get them like not just being transparent. I'm in the I'm on. Pull it in the bathroom.

SPEAKER_03:

Like randomly, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm in the car driving. Like, I have a best friend that lives in Nashville, and you know, I'm by myself driving, and I'll get these downloads while I'm like by myself. Yeah. Or it could just be, like I said, in a dream, yeah. Where I might need to reach out to somebody. Okay. And you may not know why, but I need to reach out to that person. Yeah. And so instead of questioning why I got this message or why I feel this way, the more you trust it, the sharper the tool is.

SPEAKER_03:

I get that. And I think it's also about trusting yourself too. To know how to trust yourself. Right. But also, like, I'll get that stuff for like people will randomly, their names will randomly pop into my mind. And it's like, oh, that's like a a trigger to be like, oh, text them, and like I'll forget to like text them. But it's like I've been working on like as soon as they pop into my mind, like if I can to like reach out to them, because there's obviously a reason why.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And sometimes I'll trace it back and be like, oh, was I like I was thinking about like this, and oh, that's why that reminds me of that person. So it's sometimes it's not like you need to text, sometimes it's just like, oh, you're thinking like a like a memory or something.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And it doesn't always have to be like that person is right through anything specific, but they may just need to hear from someone. Yeah. And you are that someone at that time. And I I consider it you're just being like an instrument for spirituality. Like you are the vessel that you know a higher power is delivering through you to that person.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

In that moment in time, because that is what the calling is needed for.

SPEAKER_03:

I think we all have little moments like that, like in our own way, because the day before I found out that I even knew I was pregnant with RJ, my first, I was I was like having a corona or something, and I was like, this is gonna be my last drink for a minute. And like we were trying, so it's like it's okay, cool, that makes sense. But like, I was like, Oh, okay, cool. And the next day I took a test and I found out I was pregnant. I was like, and I always refer back to them just like I was spot on. It was just like something.

SPEAKER_01:

I had the same thing with Sanaa.

SPEAKER_03:

I was like this my last drink for a bit. Like I continued drinking, and obviously at that point he had already been conceived because I found out the next day that I had taken a like I was pregnant, yeah. But I was just like, hmm, okay, cool. And the next day I was like, oh my gosh, I was right. Yeah. I was right. Yeah. And then for my second, I didn't have that, but I still don't know where, but like his name to me came out of like nowhere, like Harrison. Like nowhere. And I was like, where did that come from? And I just went with it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And I don't know where it came from because it wasn't like I was like looking for it because that had never been in my head. It just I was like, oh, Harrison. Okay, cool. We're going with it. We're going with it, why not? Whatever.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I was like, it fits him, it fits him well. He's Harry, Harrison, you know, Ronald, Ronald Jr. RJ. But I don't know. And I also drew something for like things that happened before they happen, but like not bad things, just like I don't know. I think it's all interesting, and I feel like getting to it is the everyone's journey is different, but I like what you were saying, Jockary, about like learning to just go with it without questioning, strengthens that skill more, and it's actually opening you up to more like opportunities and stuff in life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Like something you never would have like agreed because I've actually met a lot of people being open to it, and that's why I always tell people, you know, be open to things. Like you may not always, I guess, have the best experience every single time, but be open to what the day or adventure may bring. Because I have a lot of friends that I've met like randomly.

SPEAKER_03:

Is that because someone something or a dream told you, like, hey, you're gonna go to this store today, or like you're gonna walk by the street today, you're gonna see somebody, or like so.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll give you a perfect example. I have a friend, I was actually on the way to an open mic performance, and um my one of my other friends was the host. Okay, and I couldn't find it, and I didn't want to call him because of course he's the host and he can't be disturbed. Yeah, yeah. But I also was lost, and I'm like, I don't know how to get there. And so there happened to be a car driving down the street, and I never do this. I live in Atlanta, Georgia, so I'm just gonna be completely transparent. It's not always safe sometimes, okay? And I was on the side of town, it was nighttime, you know, and I never do this, but something was like, stop that car. Were you driving? I was driving, okay. Trying to find myself. I was by myself. Okay. And so something told me to stop the car, and I asked the person, I didn't even know who was in the car. I couldn't really tell if it was a male, female, or whatever. But happened to be a female, a woman. I don't like saying female for whatever reason, but whatever. It happened to be a woman, and I was like, Hey, are you going to this event? And she was like, Yeah, I can't find it. And I was just like, Let's find it together. Let's do this. And so we ended up finding it. And so um, she was also going by herself. Okay. And so I was gonna be performing because I was getting out to like doing my poetry at the time. And so I was like, Well, do you mind? She's like, Well, can I sit with you when we go? I said, Yeah, sure, girl, you can sit with me. You help me find this place. And so I was like, Well, do you mind recording me when I go up on stage? Okay, and she was like, Yeah, I still talk to her to this day. I met her in 2019. Was she also performing? No, she just was going to attend. Okay. And so when I say, I don't normally in this situation stop a random car at night.

SPEAKER_03:

Because it could have been anybody, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You know what I mean? In Atlanta, Georgia.

SPEAKER_03:

As a woman, as a black woman in Atlanta, Georgia.

SPEAKER_01:

You see what I'm saying? But like what I said about being present and trusting it. Yeah, I felt compelled to stop her. Okay. And she's actually a really great friend. Okay. You know, like we still hang out to this day. Like, you know, she cooks meals. I come over. Very nice. Like, when I tell you she throws down, and you know, being her friend has, you know, you know, been really nice. We hang out and we do things together, and she sings and she's into poetry as well. So I found somebody else that I could also enjoy those experiences with. And it was all because I was open to it. Yeah. Yeah. And so that's what I mean when like sometimes you don't necessarily have to get a sign that says, Oh, you need to talk to this person. But it was being open to the fact that, hey, maybe I can trust this person. Yep. And then look at what it led to. Yeah. I have another grown-up friend, you know, we knew some of the same people because we went to the same middle school, but we didn't know each other. But anyway, um, I just kind of knew she knew some of my same people. I was like, hey, I don't know why we never met officially, but we know some of the same people. You want to come to my birthday party? Right? That's just how I am. And she was like, sure. She came to my birthday party. This was my 30th birthday. That was a minute ago. No offense. Yeah, you I'll cut that out. No, it's fine. I I grace I accept my age.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna be further from 30 next week than I am right now. You are already than I am, currently am.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, but yeah, she came to my birthday party. And we've been friends ever since, and she's like one of my really close friends. All because I was open to inviting her. Yeah, and she's a really good friend, and I found that people that I've been open to meeting and you know, getting to know have actually been better friends to me than people I've known since I was younger. I love that, yeah. Like people always say day one, day one friends are like, you know, the best, but sometimes those day two friends are even better.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. What were you gonna say, Shri? Talking about our age. No, no, no. Before that, she like made a gesture that she was gonna say something, but then you weren't done talking, so she held it.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Um yeah, I mean, not necessarily intuition related, but it's kind of a segue into the other piece of things that we wanted to talk about. You were saying um that you're very interested in. I don't think it's maybe it is death. I mean, you can speak for yourself, but I feel like you just have a hello! You're fascinated with like tragic events. I am! And I feel like it elicits this like emotional response that you're not usually able to. Oh my god, that's so fascinating, Tri that you said that. Okay, but my point in saying it is I'm the complete opposite. You are when things like that happen. I when you were like, yeah, I listened to like voicemails from 9-11, and you like read the book on Sandy Hook, and I'm like, you don't know. You're like, I would suggest you stop doing that. So I was talking to my husband about it at dinner the other night because it stuck with me. I got this feedback from a supervisor in my very first internship in 2020, 2019, maybe. Um, because I was like, I was doing a helpline at the time, and I was like, people are calling me, telling me this traumatic thing that they just went through, and I'm walking away from the experience, like I went through it myself, and she was like, You're an avid reader, right? I said, Yeah, you're also an avid empath, yeah. But she only knew me as like I like to read. She was like, You have a really vivid imagination, and in order to empathize with people, you put yourself in the describing so you can understand how they're feeling.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um be a place of solace for their yeah, but that's something that I had to learn with like, I don't have to like I don't have to be in that airport with them. You know what I mean? Because I walked away with literal like secondary trauma, like having nightmares about these things as if I went through it myself. So I had to really figure out what the boundary looked like, but I held on to that feedback because I like when things happen like that, like mass shootings or things that you're like, oh my god, this thing happened, and I'm like doing a deep dive and down a rabbit hole. I absolutely I have to stop. You shut down because even hearing about it, I'm it's just too much. Yeah. Also the work that I do, I'm already in a lot. Yeah. There's only a little bit left. I need like funny light stuff.

SPEAKER_03:

So I've like chat GBT'd this. Sorry. Are you done? No, but okay, go ahead. Please continue.

SPEAKER_02:

I was just gonna say that the avid reader portion, because I know we were also gonna talk about books and stuff, that just it's interesting that we can all love to read and be avid readers, but we also are very different in other areas. Like you love tragedy.

SPEAKER_03:

That sounds weird, guys, but it's like yeah, yeah. I have to protect myself. I don't love it, but like it's interesting for you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I chat GBT'd the heck out of this, like being a Libra, Libra, October Libra woman, um, where it's just like I can be very emotional, but it's also like I'm interested in tragedy because I know like cause my sign or the scales, so it's like I weigh things, so it's like I know that like life can't be all bad, it can't be all good. It's like a mix of things, so it's like I I'm gonna have to like pull up the history of it, but it's just like I need like a dose of that to like look at, then also a dose of like happy, it's just I don't know.

SPEAKER_02:

It's it's so you'll you'll listen to a 9-11 voicemail and then you'll what's the balance?

SPEAKER_03:

Well, there's only one that's out there. What the guy from Flight 93? That's the only one that's out there. Um that I've listened to. Um, that wasn't a voicemail, it's a 911 call.

SPEAKER_02:

Um I'm talking about like people on the plane, like probably my loved one that's going down. You said you've listened to those. I mean I have maybe.

SPEAKER_03:

Um but then also the like for back in the day I used to read like quote pages for like hours. Like sad quotes. It's just like oh, we used to read chicken soup. Oh yeah. That's happy though. I used to read Holly's quotes and I said, No, it was not always happy. Oh, okay. I'm sorry guys. Did you forget? No. Um, I'm very relaxed. People are allowed to live their life.

SPEAKER_02:

It just scared me. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, what were you saying? You were saying how like because I can't live out that emotion in my life.

SPEAKER_02:

It just elicits, like, it forces you to cry, or like, maybe not cry, but have that emotional response that you otherwise just don't access.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. That's my guess. That's interesting. Um, I'm just interested in things that Saturday night I'm like out the whole population might not be fully interested in.

SPEAKER_01:

Like, I don't know. Okay, so I'm gonna tell about my experience with the the tragedy tragic stuff. So remember that website of like I can't remember the name of it, but it was like tragic deaths, like people's heads getting chopped off and cut off. No, you don't remember this website? It's not the dark web. No, no, no. It was actually a website where you could like see very graphic stuff. No, and usually it was around like injuries, like someone's arm getting cut off, or like their guts getting spilled up. I don't remember the name, though I wish I remembered, but anyway, it was interesting because it was something that you weren't familiar with, yeah. And it also was something that you wouldn't ordinarily see in your regular lifetime, probably. And then also it was like I never knew this could happen. You know what I mean? And so I would watch it and like it would be interesting, but I wasn't sad watching it.

SPEAKER_02:

Does that make sense? You were just like fascinated.

SPEAKER_01:

I was just fascinated now. Something along the lines of 9-11 or act, you know, an active shooter or something like that. That I might have more connection to be in, like empathetic, because I am an empath as well. Yes, but I felt like that was just basically I was watching the experience as it happened, okay, and not necessarily like identifying with the emotion that came with what happened.

SPEAKER_03:

So I will say from this conversation, the three of us, Tawana, Jocker, and Cherie, we have all been fully therapeutized because we are using words that are only spoken to spoken with in therapy. And I love that. Growth. And we are talking about things that you only talk about with your therapy, not only, but it's like you don't talk about this stuff with your friends unless they've also been therapatized. But I love that for us. Yeah, I love that. Like you can so me being therapatized, I can tell when other people have been have too been therapized, and also people who have not been therapatized. Yeah, yeah. Um, no, but I get that. Um, but I also love Cherie's reaction when she's like, I need to protect my peace. Like, I like I understand that's happening, but like I can't get into that. And uh, and it's very important for her lana work as well. 1000%. And way before I became a mom, I was always into true crime, always. It's a lot of people who are into true crime though.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I also had to cut that off for myself though.

SPEAKER_03:

Um becoming a mom, I'm still kind of into it, but like I'll listen to like Dateline and stuff like that, like the podcast.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But when it comes to certain things, like true crime about like certain things, I can no longer like delve into having kids because it the connection feels too real for me. Yeah. Um, other things I'm like fine, not fine, but like it won't like affect me. Like, yeah. But I don't know. I just think we're all interesting. We are all three different signs here. We're a cancer, we're a Gemini, we're a Libra. Um, all three different months. And Sheree do you know your top three?

SPEAKER_02:

I think I'm Gemini, Libra, Libra.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I'm Libra Libra Scorpio. Um Cancer Gemini Leo. Oh. My rising is Gemini. Love. I love love. We welcome you. And it's crazy because my daughter's a Gemini and my dad's a Leo. Oh yes! That's it, that is interesting. Yeah. Um we were talking about our zodiac signs and like how you're like, I'm a June cancer.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And Cherie is a May Gemini. My daughter's a May Gemini, too. And I I honestly feel that it's a difference.

SPEAKER_02:

I agree. I my best friend is a July cancer.

SPEAKER_01:

So And it's the difference between the July and the June cancer. Please don't get me on to that. Next. Uh oh.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, RJ's a July cancer. I love January. We love a July cancer.

SPEAKER_01:

She said I love him. Thank you for loving my child. No, I love him, and he's still young. He hasn't gotten to that point yet. But those July cancers are interesting. But yeah. My other cousin is also October Libra. Her birthday is October the 16th. Okay. I don't know much about the November side. Wait, is it? No, it's um September and October. Okay. Y'all don't know many September Libras.

SPEAKER_03:

So Libras, we're interesting. Everything is ruled by our emotions. It's funny because I act like I don't have any sometimes, but because of that, I act the way that I do. We're like, I am ruled by them.

SPEAKER_01:

We're like your moon sign again.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh Scorpio.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. So that means you have some water sign in your chart. I'm fully air. Oh, you are. You are.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. I'm a mix of uh water and air.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh.

SPEAKER_03:

I fully embraced my Libra. I'm full Libra. And where it's like, oh, you have certain ailments like on your body, like my low back, that's like an ailment because it's I don't know. I forgot what the reason is.

SPEAKER_02:

I used to look that up too because my said that it was um were more prone to upper respiratory things, which I always used to get strep throat. Yeah, I used to get anxious to be.

SPEAKER_01:

I used to get strip through it all the time too. Because my best friend is a Gemini and my daughter is a uh both May Geminis. My best friend got COVID, so she had like upper respiratory, yeah, you know, breathing and like her lungs, and then Sanai has allergies. Makes sense.

SPEAKER_03:

But for Libra, it says like you like like the October Libra. Well, Libra, I guess. Um, you like the finer things in life, like you really value like relationships and like friendships and like being seen for like who you are. Like you just said that today. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I fully embody what I was meant to be, which is an October Libra.

SPEAKER_02:

It's interesting because I'm on the cusp. You are always not that I claim to be both. I always if someone asks I claim to be Gemini. Yes. When I would read my horoscopes, I would always read both, and I felt like I demand the line at times.

SPEAKER_03:

But I was getting my hair done, and but that's weird because you would align with you align with the sign that's before yours.

SPEAKER_02:

The rising sign. Some days or some horoscopes have um Gemini starting on the 22nd. 22nd.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what Draco Ray was saying.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It does get confusing with the days when it's the because some of them end on the 22nd and begin on the 21st. Yes. Or then you would be the cancer.

SPEAKER_02:

No, no, no. It's either Tarse or Gemini. Because I'm at the very beginning of Gemini.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

The rising sign is the most accurate horoscope for you, just FYI. I never read Libra. But I feel like I'll read Gemini and I'm like, that doesn't sound like me. Or just the way that Gemini's are stereotyped, and like, that doesn't sound like me.

SPEAKER_01:

Start reason, start reading the rising sign and see if it uh resonates.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And see if it resonates. But I mentioned that to someone who is a May Taurus. Okay. I don't know, maybe in the teens. Okay. And I was like, I'm a Gemini, but I'm on the cusp. And she was like, no, baby, you're a Gemini. Like, claim that. I was like, I'm not ashamed to claim it. Like, yeah. I just, I'm on the cusp. I mean You're 21st. It is what it is. And I was like, also, you don't even know me, so settle down. Calm down. This is not a battle of the signs, but exactly.

SPEAKER_03:

I just feel like as we get older, we should fully embrace who we are. Like I'm a full Libra. I own it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, but I guess you have to. Well, no, you're Libra for rising too. No, she said her Scorpio.

SPEAKER_03:

I thought you were Libra, Libra Scorpio.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm Libra, Libra, Scorpio. Oh, so then your moon is Scorpio then.

SPEAKER_03:

I said that. I'm Bill. So you're rising is that I am. Phil. I'm double. I am who I am. I can't change it. So it's really weird because like I have been known to like come off as a bitch and like. Are we saying that? Yeah, I don't care. It's our podcast. Um be like that and like come off as like really like not cool. Uh not not cool, but like need like a disclaimer to deal with me. But like at the end of the day, I literally feel like I will ride for the people that I know will ride for me. Um my oldest loves hard just like I do. Um my youngest, yeah, just in a sunway. Um I just want to be loved for who I am. And you will be. But I'm not changing. I will be where I am. I'm saying open yourself up to it. I my sister knows me. Well, we're not talking about Sir Cherie. Sister Sheree, are you a nun? I didn't say sister. You don't. We didn't talk about Cherie. Okay, we'll roll the tape back. Um I feel like I am who I am, and the people that are in my corner and that love me, like, know that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Agreed. Like, I will shut things off if I don't want to talk about it. Like I hit record when I didn't feel like talking about what we were talking about. Yeah, you tried that multiple times. It worked this time because we're recording right now. And we'll probably get back into it when we start driving. But I am who I am.

SPEAKER_02:

I am too.

SPEAKER_03:

You are? I and I'm 1,000% obsessed with you and your daughter.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And so that was my segue. I'm like.

SPEAKER_03:

And your um husband, so you're stuck with me?

SPEAKER_02:

It's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, he's okay. I'm just kidding. He's awesome.

SPEAKER_02:

Love you, Brandon! I was thinking about that the other night. Remember when we came over to play the Wii with you for your birthday? I think RJ had just been born, and we were obviously kidless. Yeah. So we just like came and played Wii. That was so fun.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Was that the same year that um he took me to that place we saw in Housewives in Virginia? Oh, maybe.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I think RJ was first born. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Not Brandon.

SPEAKER_03:

No, I know, but we know. I was like, no. I love Brandon. He's a cool cat. Sometimes I feel like I'm like, oh yeah, he's so cool or whatever. Then like when we're around, like I don't always say like hey first, but I kind of just like arrive.

SPEAKER_02:

I feel like he has because he's so cool and like very self-assured. He is literally could not give two fucks away first so that you just arrive. He's just like I know. I thought about that earlier.

SPEAKER_03:

I was like, oh my god. I was just like, he just is like Cherie just told me how much like he like like loves me and like how cool I am. I was like, I don't even like not that I don't say hi first, but I'm just like, wow, Tomana, I wonder what he thinks about you now. Literally nothing. I know. I don't mean that in a bad way.

SPEAKER_02:

No, like literally nothing. Like, he's the most unbothered person I've ever met. I'm like guys are simple, they don't be thinking of it.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm obsessed, and I just fell in love with him even more when he was over for Christmas one year, and he felt so comfortable that he fell asleep on our couch. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I was like, oh my pissed about that. I was like, I love that. I'm fighting for my life down here with these kids, and you just knock out.

SPEAKER_03:

I was like, I love you even more that you're so comfortable in my house. Like to do that.

SPEAKER_02:

I think a lot of people felt that way after the wedding because everybody was like, I've never seen this side of Brandon. I was like, I'm- He was at his wedding! I mean, yeah. He was at the wedding. He also said that about me too, which I'm like, yeah, he's his friend.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, let's also speak about your wedding. I knew I was obviously gonna be giving a mate of honor speech from the day it came, but like when it came, I was like, oh shit, like it's here, I can't back out. Correct. And I was like, shit, I'm gonna have to have some like some courage with me. Yeah. Um, and I feel like I killed it. No, it was good. I just like spoke without even thinking. I didn't have a speech prepared or anything. It was good. From the heart. And my dad was our dad was like, alright, guys, shh sh like.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and you were like, sorry, I'm getting emotional. He's like, it's okay, it's from the heart.

SPEAKER_03:

And I was like, I literally was like, I'm obsessed with you and Brandon and like my little baby Angel, my little Seiji Poo. Yeah, and I'm like, oh my gosh. But I was just like, I'm giving my maid of honor speech to my sister, and I'm like, this is actually happening. Yeah, and I didn't expect to cry, no offense, because you know I don't cry, like, whatever. Anyway, besides the point, I was like, I'm like crying right now.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it made me tear up because I looked at him, I was like, oh my god, she's crying. And he was just like staring at you, smiling. I don't know. It was just like so much love.

SPEAKER_01:

Like Julia, so much love. I felt it. It was so funny.

SPEAKER_03:

I was like, oh my gosh, my sister's like getting married, and she they both have birthed the most perfect angel baby ever, and I'm freaking obsessed with her. Yes, she is obsessed. Literally obsessed with my neatness with a D D D. Like, nobody come for her because I will come for your neck.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean fair.

SPEAKER_03:

Literally. And I like kind of I didn't really understand because when Sherry was with RJ and I was like, oh, that's cute. But I'm like, now I'm like, don't touch her. Yeah, like you'll help her auntie. You'll have to come through me, sweetie. Yeah, and it won't be a good thing. I was like, now I understand why you're so hardcore, Shrey. Yep. Like, what I'm just I get it. Like, she's hardcore times two, and I'm like, I get it.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm just watching this man fly his drone because that is absolutely inappropriate. No, something Brandon would do. He just like flies his drone in like places that he's not supposed to, and just so it's inappropriate. Oh, I love it for him.

SPEAKER_03:

Mind in his business. But I just fully want to meditate. I want to wah wah pretzel. I'm gonna have to use the restroom soon. We do need to go. We have to go get our children. I don't even know what time it is because we've been recording. We can talk about books. I know. We can talk about that in the box of our own selves. Okay, guys. I mean, this has been great. Darkry, thank you so much. You're welcome for being my pleasure. I know it is. Um we love you, we love it, we love you guys. This is like the th you were on my podcast. This is like the second or third time you've been on. Yeah. Well s yeah, they're yeah. Yeah, because you had two with me.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And I we know Docker's gonna promote the heck out of this because she loves supporting her family and friends, and that she's the kind of person she is. Um period.

SPEAKER_02:

Can you have some good stuff together?

SPEAKER_03:

Period. With a T?

SPEAKER_02:

Everybody knew that but you.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna participate. Right. No, is that period with a T? Yes. Periot.

SPEAKER_01:

No, yeah, DT. DT. Period. Okay. Oh my lord. And on that. How do you say it? I just said it. Say it again. Period! I just said that. Period. No, you're a little it's okay. You'll get there.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, guys, thanks for listening. Don't forget to like, review, subscribe, and listen. Yeah, I said the listen part too soon. But love you. Bye everyone.

SPEAKER_03:

Don't forget to like, listen, and subscribe. And also don't forget to leave a review, please, and let us know what you thought about today's episode and all the other episodes. Thanks, guys. Talk to you soon. Bye.